It’s days like this I just want to lock myself in my room and kill everyone. I just missed the bus for the second time today. I literally burst into laughter as I saw it drive away the second time. My back hurts SO much from running on the concrete with my book bag and I just feel like giving up and calling in sick. I won’t get there until 1 p.m. anyway at this rate.
I am just having a bunch of shitty luck this week. I need to spend today looking for a car. I don’t have any sort of down payment though.
Days like this I feel like such an orphan.
ci…….so I awakin to the sounds of the city comming to life with a head half full of acid, instead of coffee in the cup type, on the go walking past me in the early wakings of san fran, I find a semi-reconizoble/freindly face stride towards me with her eyes intent on the ciggertte, lit, burning between my fingers….i try and rack what primal sense of memory i had at that time of the morning and somehow came up with gorges ex girlfreind….we talked in the grey morning air as city trucks and taxi cabs got going by, we discussed things such as freinds we had seen or not seen….whos white was laid on whos what….we continuied untill my ciggeretee started to warm my knuckles….she asked for shorts and i simply took one last drag and said my good byes….promissing to keep in touch more often…..
I walked with more purpose than before, I was intent on not becoming someones ex raoming thru the TL’s early in the morn searching for that cup of coffee first hit of the day…mabey it was really just my grey metter screaming at me for some substance resembling caloric value of some kind…I walk down taylor 2 blocks to eddy and take my right, one more block and im back in my studio overlooking a wonderful alleyway where we can see a varitoy of differant hustles go down, creep thru the haze of stale smoke out front where the OG’s chill, thru the lobby and up the elevator to the 3rd floor….I fumble with my key for a second waiting for it to just glide in for easy entrance….slip out of my shoes and weekend stink and make for the shower….the beads of water drip down the small of my back and hit the soapy floor of the communtiy shower like melting plasitc, I watch my body move thru the mirror to the right of the stall with cat like gestures and body yawns…i dry off ruitenly and make my way down 4 doors back to my dwelling…struggling more than usaul i find a decent smelling pair of slacks find the sox that were on the lesser of the one to crust scale trow a shirt on swing my hoody and book bag onto the sculpture of me, slap the shoes on just as im hitting the light….got my key.
sure enough in my morning ruitine i lock my door behind me and head down three storys….sighn out of the residents log, as if id been there all night…walk out the door down the steps and hit the street…I light another smoke and stride up to the lamp post like a long lost freind…..green….slugg my way down a block and hit the store on the right, supprised i come to see candice, a girl from my morning class standind outside in defeat…”I just need a fucking pack of matches!” I hand her my lighter in ill hope of cheering her up…as my basic needs were FAR less primal than fire….more contuied at a later date
I spark her cigerrete as she grabbs another from her beaten pack handing it to me as if i were going to play the roll of needy classmate, I decline as i yank one of my own from polished silver case i got in the mail as promo. we huddled under the stoop of the market for a good half a smoke in what seemed like that doomed silence to crack any good party into that monotone “lets get another drink” atmosphere….losing all hopes this liquor store would open in time for her next smoke candice resised back up the hill to the hotel, I had not given up hope so easily….what was it i wanted again?
Hmm…where will Pablo go next? Anyway, I’m sorry you’re having such a shitty day. You know you can always call me if you need to talk, or vent, or just yell at someone who doesn’t yell back. Your Podcasting inspired me to start doing my Podcasts again, so go check it out. And next time you’re online, I’ll show you how to turn the metronome off in GarageBand.