I can’t sleep. I tried, but couldn’t. I bought Adrian a Christmas present online…listened to some Crossover…my wrists hurt and I want tomorrow to be over. I feel oily and revolting. I’ve been endlessly reading about my Dash. I can’t wait…it’ll arrive Wednesday. It’s the only thing that can pull me out of this kind of depression.

I won’t be able to answer calls on the train or anything…wearing a Bluetooth headset just screams “mug me.”

I don’t think my dad is really going to help me get a car. I’m going to ask him to leave me a check and I’ll just work it all out. He probably won’t.

I had a long talk with my aunt Kathy tonight about how fucked up the family is…and I can’t sleep. I can’t do shit. I just want tomorrow to be over. I want everything to be over. I hate being poor and cold and rained on and endlessly waiting for shit and excluded from everything.

I’m sick of this shit.

And I fear that I’m going to flunk out this semester because I don’t have adequate transportation.