The Diary of Antoine Roquentin

I’m feeling really depressed today. Maybe it’s because I missed the bus a grand total of two times… but it’s probably because I haven’t talked to Adrian in about a day and a half.

We had a talk like two days ago where we sort of admitted that like we aren’t the love of each others’ lives. For me, that’s game over. I can’t just “settle.” So I’m a bit down in the dumps. I thought MacWorld would sort of cheer me up, but it just made me even more depressed. This $600 amazing iPhone that I can’t afford. Me and Christen were like “fuck that phone! Our phones are damn cool.” I do really like my phone. Anyway, I only have a right to feel jealous when somebody else has one and they aren’t going to come out for another like six months, so if I really wanted one I could save up. The only difference between the iPhone and my phone is that the iPhone makes everything that my phone does look sexy.

I guess it really doesn’t help that I’ve been listening to this hella depressing Presets song called “The Girl and the Sea” all day. It really reminds me of my life.

It turns out that my computer doesn’t really need more memory after all… I turned my virtual machine so that it only consumes 100MB of RAM… and it’s working fine. I mean, I have to close a few programs but I can still get by, where before, when it was set at around 400MB, I could barely use anything other than the VM.

Oh. My. Gosh.

I have gossip.

Yesterday I was missing Christen, so I gave her a call after I got off work. She was with family, but we agreed to meet later at the Arden Fair Mall. I took the bus there from work (a relatively short ride), and talked on the phone with my mom for an hour or so until Christen arrived.

Me and her went shopping… I got a few pairs of pants (they are so adorable!). I also bought some shoes that I would have never imagined myself wearing. It was so fun! I also got to catch up on all the stuff that’s been going on… the Chris drama, the update on Kelly and Jesse… and a whole bunch of other stuff. I am absolutely falling in love with Forever 21. The clothes are sort of expensive… but not so much that they are prohibitively expensive. It is such a gay boy shop…lol. Christen got this incredibly a hot dress there too.

We meandered over to Hot Topic (out of habit, mostly) and Christen got a cute shirt and I got a cool messenger bag that was marked down to only like eight bucks. It was the last one. My current backpack has been taking a toll on my shoulders, and this one has a much bigger strap so I think it will help me significantly. It’s also good for bike riding, in that it stays in one place, unlike my old satchel that would threaten to get stuck in the wheels all the time.

I spent a whole bunch of money, but it was the first time I had been a long time. Come on, I only had one pair of pants that was wearable… it was time to get a new outfit or two.

Anyway, after that we were feeling sort of like we wanted to hang out in a cool place, so I suggested that we go to the True Love Cafe. If you don’t know, Andrew took me to that cafe like five years ago so it totally reminds me of him. I was just telling Christen that exact thing when she noticed a flier on the wall. It was an advertisement for an Andrew Taggart art exhibit.

Taggart. In fucking Sacramento. The world totally sucks. Katie told me that he had gotten married and had moved away, and I was under the impression that she hung out with him occasionally… but I guess the moving away part isn’t true. I am going to run into him. It’s just a matter of time. What the hell am I going to do?

God.

So that’s my gossip.

I really have no idea what I’ve been doing with my life so much that I haven’t posted in so long. It’s all Adrian. I spent all my time with him. There was no time to reflect… all my free time I’ve spent with him. I was totally doing a Kelly/Becky…and now I’m going to have to find some fucking thing to do with my free time. Me and Christen were talking about that we really don’t have a whole lot of like friends that aren’t in “the gang.” I want to make some friends at the college. I feel like I don’t know anyone here.

I got all dressed up to go down to the college today… but I felt really weird waiting for the bus in really nice clothes…the bus stop is kinda shady. I ended up missing it twice. The first time I walked, and the second time I drove my clunker of a car. It will barely start now. I really have no idea how I’m ever going to get to school. My dad keeps asking how the car search is going… he’s being such an asshole. He won’t hand over the money. I swear to god, I hate people that lie. In fact, I’m going to call him. Right now.