I was locked out of my house a month or two ago. It was the middle of the night.

He lit the candles and fixed me a tamale.

Why?

Why do I only fall in love with people with personality disorders?

I fall for the mask.

Reality is fucking disappointing.

Me and Christen had this long talk at Denny’s…and I feel SO depressed.

Another night that I didn’t do my math homework.

I did some good work today, but I felt unproductive.

I walked around downtown hoping I would meet some, maybe run into a friend, even an enemy…I miss people that loved me.

I think a lot about Ripley these days. I don’t know…maybe it’s just that we only dated for a few days, but…like…he’s in my perfect moment. I’m sure I’ve written about this before…that game of tag at KidTown like two years ago…or much longer than that…now Misty and Selena are pregnant, everyone is gone. I haven’t heard from Joe in ages. I was going to call him today, but I was like “what if he blows me off?” that will be so depressing! I hope that’s not true.

I just don’t want to like, date anyone ever again. I just can’t stop thinking about AIDS. Everybody and their fucking brother has AIDS. I really want to like, become a eunuch or take some kind of sex drive killing drug. I mean, after sex, what is there? I want to strip away all the veneer and get to living, like the Blue chick.

I shouldn’t be so depressed.

I did do something really fun this week!

While I was waiting for the bus at Country Club, I went to the bowling alley and played a shitload of Dance Dance Revolution, and I was the MASTER! I also did the gayest thing ever: dancing to this cover of “Toxic.” lol

But yeah. I think I will be hella less depressed once I have transportation.

Maybe.