Where you look at the clock, realize you have hours more of work to do, and just sort of die inside? Yeah.
Today is one of those days.
I’m going to have to treat myself to a smoothie after work with some change I’ve scraped together. I need some kind of reward. Christ.
Categories: Ennui
I’m awake way past my bedtime. But I have to say, I’m seriously considering moving to San Francisco. This is like, a dream job. Well, at least my foothold into the San Francisco IT world.
I need to stop listening to my mother. She’s trying to play it safe with me all the things that she didn’t play safe when she was growing up. She told her parents to fuck off at a very young age and went off to be a fisherwoman. And I mean, she has all these amazing life experiences because of it. Yes, she was poor, yes, it was sometimes horrible, but she lived in the Haight in the 70s! Isn’t that fucking amazing? I think it is.
I have San Francisco in my blood. It’s where my parents met. I need to finish my résumé and send it to Alex. All this musing is for naught if I don’t actually follow through.
Oh, Brian and I had such an amazingly fun day today! I went over to his house after I got off work and we went over to the park near his house and played Bjork and Portishead while we swung and played on the monkey bars. I was sort of monopolizing the conversation with my musings about San Francisco, but I think we had a great time. By no means was it a one-sided conversation, of course. It was odd, I feel like Brian is one of my really good friends now. We’re reaching I think about a month of knowing each other, so this is awesome. Okay. Must go to sleep. Now.
Categories: Ennui
Well, for those of you don’t know, I spent most of yesterday night reinstalling OS X. I have to say it was a success, and the least painful computer operation I have ever done that involved a complete reformat.
I did it so that I could write. I was having all these wonky issues (as you all know) with my voice recognition program, and I believe that this may have been solved. It will take a few weeks of testing to be sure, but it’s working now, which is all I care about.
I rose so much this weekend, but I didn’t actually read about the most important thing that happened. Well, and the thing that happened before the most important…well…I’ll just take you there.
Sunday.
We had been invited to a barbecue at the HorseCow gallery/art community by Christen and Allen.
So Christen I went downtown to rendezvous with Annie so we could hit the Jazz Festival.
The gang in front of the capitol.
We tried on hats and found some that looked awesome on us. Hat pics!
Hats, hats, hats, oh my!
After that we headed down to HorseCow. There was nobody there except for the people from trash film orgy were filming a movie. As soon as I got there, this guy named Josh came up to me and started talking to me. Christen and I ended up having a great time, going with Christen down to the beach and having our own party:
Party in the computer room!
Christen and Allen.
So, long story short, we drank a whole bunch of vodka and cranberry juice, swung on the big swing that was attached to the rafters in the common room until it broke and we almost died, played a bunch of drunken pool, went down to the weir (this huge structure that helps Sacramento in the event of a flood), and as we were coming back from the weir I was starting to sober up. By the time we had walked back, I was completely back to my senses. And, with the wonderful timing that he has, Alex called me. He said he was about ready to pick me up, and I gave him directions over the phone.
I ran to the end of the driveway of HorseCow, jumped in his car, and headed off to ghost hunt. We first stopped at his mom’s house in Natomas. I started talking with Noam and Avril, two of Alex’s best friends. I absolutely love them! I was telling them all about the craziness at the gallery and how the main event of the night (a performance art piece were me and Christen were to get naked and get sprayed with paint) didn’t actually take place.
We felt out the spirits in this creepy field by his house:
X-files. (Alex, Avril, and Noam)
We were going to go to more hotspots of supernatural activity, but somehow it had become like one o’clock in the morning and Noam and Avril went home. I really didn’t know what Alex and I were going to do after that, so we just drove around the Garden Highway, which I guess is in Natomas (I had no idea where we were most of the time).
After driving for quite awhile, we parked at an isolated spot in view of the airport. He opened the moon roof and we watched shooting stars for a while, holding hands in the semidarkness. Unfortunately, the cops showed up and hassled us, but we got through the incident unscathed. We had our second kiss that night. It was just as incredible as the first one. I don’t know what it is with this boy. He just gets to that place. I don’t know what else to say.
It dawned on me today that someday I might have sex with him and it just sort of like blew me away, ’cause I pictured that kiss times like a hundred thousand and it just seemed impossible.
As Annie said, with me it’s feast or famine. I think the Josh from HorseCow got the wrong idea about me. I just couldn’t think of a polite way to say “I have a boyfriend.” Well, he didn’t try anything on me, so it was OK. Maybe he’s just a nice guy (I’ve been meeting a lot of those lately).
At around two, Alex drove me home and he briefly met Christen. I remember the look on her face, the “omg how cute!”
About that time, Annie called us to tell of the drama. Oh, left that part out. Well, when we all first got there, Annie got bored and left, but love of her life Scott showed up and she was back in a flash. They were hanging out all night… it was obvious she was in ecstasy. I actually talked to Scott, which was so inexorably strange after hearing about him thirdhand for so long, and he’s a cool guy I guess.
I guess that’s it for that night. An incredible party with my best friends, and holding hands under the stars with a new love. What more could I ask for?
Categories: Ennui
I tested negative for HIV, gonorrhea, and chlamydia today. That’s cool, right? I thought I would feel better, but all I wanted to say was “um…what about the thousand more diseases that you can get? how do I know I don’t have any of them?”
Well, it’s better than nothing.
Categories: Ennui
To work on your resume on your lunch break?
Alex has been talking about how his company is hiring a first-level customer service rep at a Mac IT company and that he’s going to put my name in the pile. I would have to move to San Francisco, though.
I love my job here, but I really don’t get enough hours to survive. My boss and coworkers are so nice, and I can listen to music pretty much all day.
I might be going out of the frying pan and into the fire.
That and my scooter won’t start with the electric starter any more. I’ve been kick-starting it every morning. Well, it’s like 50 miles away from the designated service interval, so I think once I get the oil changed I’ll be fine, but I can’t do that until Friday when I get paid. So yeah. The root of all of this evil is money.
I’m feeling impulsive this month. But not that impulsive. Well, I’ll talk to Alex about it tonight. Until then, my resume could still use some sprucing up.
Categories: Ennui
With no clue of the amazingness to come, I spent Saturday cleaning my room and talking to Alex on AIM. Something amazing happened, though. While I was cleaning I uncovered from a pile of clothes that old computer case that I bought right before I moved. I have been in the negative to the tune of 30 bucks for about three days, so I thought I would post on Craigslist. Like magic, in two hours a guy was at my door with 50 bucks in cash. The thing was worth $100, but I needed the money now. And who knows if the people who say they’re going to show up really well. I might as well have taken the first offer.
So I drove down the bank, deposited my money, and I was back in the black. I had been talking to Alex via text message for a while, and as I returned to my house he asked me a curious thing. He’d been talking about looking like crap, and I had been texting him about how that was fundamentally impossible. The next text: “Yes? No?”
He responded that he was in Sacramento. He had talked about going to visit some friends here this weekend, but I didn’t even like imagine that we could meet in real life because that would be too amazing. He said that he was going to go to a party with some of his friends but that if I wanted to make a late night he could maybe stop by. Of course, I acquiesced. The plan was going to be that I would go to to True Love and read William Gibson and meet up with him later, but right as I was about to leave, love of my life Christen called me and invited me over to dye her hair.
It was a really good thing she did too, because he didn’t get to Christen’s until about an hour after True Love closes. Well, we were going to do the hair thing, but all I remember is us sitting around being really lethargic while I played music videos from my iPod that was hooked into the TV. We were sleepily rocking out to Depeche Mode and Goldfrapp, and Christen went to bed (she was hella tired from staying up late with Allen).
I started watching Margaret Cho and fell into a light sleep on the couch. Right as I was drifting off, he called me and was a few minutes away. I invited him inside, not quite sure what to say.
He had just started watching Margaret Cho a day or so ago, and I had talked with him on AIM while he was discovering the wonder and awe that is Margaret, so it was great for him to see her best routine about the persimmons diet. Were both a really tired so we were just sleepily snickering for about a half-hour while we watched her on DVD (I don’t want to send it back, it’s a Neflix DVD). It was so weirdly comfortable to be around him. During the Margaret, we had been doing little things like messing up each others’ hair and such. It was cute. We were talking about sundry things, and I remember this one part where he changed how he was sitting and put his head on my chest and I was holding him..and I just felt like my essence has been set on fire…all those endorphins were pumping…I just felt this tremendous, unstoppable love. I hadn’t felt that in a very long time.
He had to go home at two, and I gave him a kiss goodbye. At that moment, I was not in my body…I was on the sixteenth dimension…it was fucking incredible. I really had no idea what to say.
I had to post a Facebook status update: “I am weightless with awe” before I fell asleep.
Categories: Ennui
This weekend just blew me away.
I mean, I was just going along living my life and then this crazy insane explosion of fun happens. OK. I should probably start at the beginning. I just downloaded all the pictures on my camera for the past like two weeks, so there’ll be copious photos. Hope you enjoy!
OK. The beginning. It all started with two things. One thing was that Christen started dating Allen, one of the main guys that does HorseCow, the famous/infamous indie are gallery that used to be out on West C and 16th. Annie and I would go over there and help them build stuff after they moved to West Sacramento, so we had met before.
We all went out to the Kasbah on Thursday (Annie, Christen, Allen, and I), and we had a great time drinking Sangria and talking.
After that, we went to Una Mas and played truth or dare with Annie’s truth or dare cards. One of the dares I got was that I had to let everyone style my hair. They came up with I Dream of Jeannie-ish style, it was really funny.
After that, we went down to HorseCow and Allen and Steve showed us around the place. We had been there before, but so much work had been done it seemed like a whole new place.
That was a really fun night. The next day, I went to work. I took a picture of my workstation today, for nostalgia I guess. That and I love seeing people’s workstations…I’m weird.
After I got off of work, I met Annie and we (of course) called Christen to see how the rest of the night had gone with Allen after Annie and I had gone home. She told us it was amazing and about this like incredible passionate kiss. We were so excited for her!
After the phone call, Annie and I migrated down towards old Sacramento, and I guess I just felt like there was something there. And there was! This weekend was the Jazz Festival. So we wandered around, got frozen yogurt, and checked out a bunch of the old Sacramento spots that we like. We also scoped out Wilhelmina’s, the bar where the zombie walk will end up. We had the most wonderful afternoon wandering around Old_Sac and the Downtown Plaza.
Annie had a psychic reading and the woman was actually right. It was interesting.
While we were in Old Sac, we tried on wigs at Evangeline’s.
So hardcore. lol
Well, after we had exhausted the area’s wonder, we parted ways. It was uncharacteristically early (like 7 p.m.), but we didn’t have anywhere to put our backpacks (with the new motorcycle jacket I got, the armor can’t be squished down and the thing takes up my entire trunk, where before I could cram in a backpack and my old jacket). I accept the trade-off because it protects me so much better.
I drove home, signed on, and immediately started talking again with Alex. The last week or so I had been talking a lot with this guy Drew, who goes to American River College and messaged me on Facebook saying that I had great taste in movies and music. He has impeccable taste and was turning me on to movies that I hadn’t ever even heard of. However, I didn’t get a real big relationship vibe from him. I mean, I guess there were undertones of it, and I thought he was a pretty cool guy, but I wasn’t tremendously interested in much but friendship.
Drew and I were doing personality profiles a few days ago, and I had logged on to my OK Cupid account (yes, I know, lame, but Christen had met the most adorable guy on it) to find the results of the personality test there, which was the one he was referring to. I had a message in my inbox. “Who the hell could this be from?” I thought, expecting it to be some kind of spam.
“Have you ever…” was the subject line.
Inside, it continued “…been so fascinated by someone.” He wrote that he had seen my profile and been blown away, and his AIM name. it looked familiar, so I checked my iChat logs, and he had been instant messaging me. However, I had thought it was one of the myriad screen names of someone I was avoiding talking to, so I had ignored them.
I wrote back saying that his profile was awesome (which it was), and I was amazed that we had such similar interests. So flash to Friday after I got home from hanging out with annie. I started talking with Alex on iChat. And talked. And talked. We started an iChat AV conference (he is so much more of a Mac geek than me, it’s amazing), and we iChatted for six hours. Until about 5 a.m. We were both snuggled under our covers talking to each other on video. I just don’t even know what to say about him. He is just fucking amazing. We talked about the Sacramento scene, our perceptions of the San Francisco scene… I don’t even remember but it just felt like I’d known him for years.
Oh I remember what we did, we checked the compatibility of our signs. He’s a Virgo, and I’m a Scorpio. Yes, I know, I am the penultimate atheist, but astrology is a fun way to look at things. That and Megan is beyond obsessed with it.
Astrology says that we are extremely compatible. And it sure felt like that. It still feels like that.
After Adrian, I had just been burned up inside. I was ashes. I had gone through everything, I had tried as hard as I could to make it work through force of will alone, and I had failed. But the most amazing thing happened when I started talking to Alex. I could see things begin to grow under the ashes, flowers and creeping vines taking hold in the rubble. The sun came out again, and the forest started to live again. I never thought it could happen. I never thought the winter would be over. But it is. I just feel like my heart is going to explode out of my chest. It’s my worst fear to die inside. I thought Adrian had done it, but he didnt.
I don’t need him any more.
Categories: Ennui
This weekend.
Has been.
Fucking.
Epic.
I’m writing a post right now, but I have to wait until my photos upload and I can restart to use my voice-rec.
But until then, I thought I’d post “Shoes” for those of you who haven’t seen it. We have been obsessed by this video like, all weekend. The video is safe for work, but the audio isn’t.
Here’s Christen being “Kelly,” the character in the video.
These shoes are 300 fucking dollars!
Let’s get ‘em!
Categories: Ennui
