The Diary of Antoine Roquentin

With no clue of the amazingness to come, I spent Saturday cleaning my room and talking to Alex on AIM. Something amazing happened, though. While I was cleaning I uncovered from a pile of clothes that old computer case that I bought right before I moved. I have been in the negative to the tune of 30 bucks for about three days, so I thought I would post on Craigslist. Like magic, in two hours a guy was at my door with 50 bucks in cash. The thing was worth $100, but I needed the money now. And who knows if the people who say they’re going to show up really well. I might as well have taken the first offer.

So I drove down the bank, deposited my money, and I was back in the black. I had been talking to Alex via text message for a while, and as I returned to my house he asked me a curious thing. He’d been talking about looking like crap, and I had been texting him about how that was fundamentally impossible. The next text: “Yes? No?”

He responded that he was in Sacramento. He had talked about going to visit some friends here this weekend, but I didn’t even like imagine that we could meet in real life because that would be too amazing. He said that he was going to go to a party with some of his friends but that if I wanted to make a late night he could maybe stop by. Of course, I acquiesced. The plan was going to be that I would go to to True Love and read William Gibson and meet up with him later, but right as I was about to leave, love of my life Christen called me and invited me over to dye her hair.

It was a really good thing she did too, because he didn’t get to Christen’s until about an hour after True Love closes. Well, we were going to do the hair thing, but all I remember is us sitting around being really lethargic while I played music videos from my iPod that was hooked into the TV. We were sleepily rocking out to Depeche Mode and Goldfrapp, and Christen went to bed (she was hella tired from staying up late with Allen).

I started watching Margaret Cho and fell into a light sleep on the couch. Right as I was drifting off, he called me and was a few minutes away. I invited him inside, not quite sure what to say.

He had just started watching Margaret Cho a day or so ago, and I had talked with him on AIM while he was discovering the wonder and awe that is Margaret, so it was great for him to see her best routine about the persimmons diet. Were both a really tired so we were just sleepily snickering for about a half-hour while we watched her on DVD (I don’t want to send it back, it’s a Neflix DVD). It was so weirdly comfortable to be around him. During the Margaret, we had been doing little things like messing up each others’ hair and such. It was cute. We were talking about sundry things, and I remember this one part where he changed how he was sitting and put his head on my chest and I was holding him..and I just felt like my essence has been set on fire…all those endorphins were pumping…I just felt this tremendous, unstoppable love. I hadn’t felt that in a very long time.

He had to go home at two, and I gave him a kiss goodbye. At that moment, I was not in my body…I was on the sixteenth dimension…it was fucking incredible. I really had no idea what to say.

I had to post a Facebook status update: “I am weightless with awe” before I fell asleep.