the diary of antoine roquentin

“The true measure of an asshole—does he have a TV on his boat?” -My Mom

Categories: Ennui

Did you hear that Hummer is going to stop making the H2 due to a 30% or so drop in sales?

I was reading this amazingly satirical article in the Chronicle about it.

Or perhaps it’s a remnant of the careless Boomer worldview, that all-American, use-it-before-it’s-gone attitude that spins on an axis of a truly horrible irony: The more we learn of our desperate environmental straits, the more we learn of dwindling oil reserves and the more we learn that our shiny happy United States might not be the responsible, beneficent global superpower we once dreamed it was, the more we say “screw it” and grab onto the last gasp of pleasurable excess and vice no matter the future repercussions, telling ourselves we might as well enjoy that stupid, chromed-out three-ton GMC Yukon Denali before the oil runs out and the terrorists eat my babies and the damn liberals change the laws and make us all drive Smart cars to the Tofu Hut in order to turn us all gay. Sound familiar?

Categories: Ennui

Tonight is the night of:

two Scotts

and Annie.

I’ve been talking with Drew a lot tonight. I guess I should have written a bit about him. Hmm.

Nah, time to go to bed. I’ve always got to save a project for tomorrow.

Shane broke up with Patrick today…:(

I talked with him a lot about it today.

Oh, we had this amazing night…sangria at the Kasbah, a night at HorseCow, it was awesome.

Categories: Ennui

I just took my final today in Human Sexuality. I think I did OK.

School’s officially over now.

Christen and I went over to Megan and Steve’s last night after we went out to eat at Tapa’s. We randomly saw Tod walking by…I had no idea what to say to him, so I just sort of ignored him and said in a too-loud voice to Christen “Look, it’s Tod.”

We laughed and played at Megan and Steve‘s house all night, playing with these random plastic toys and drinking this odd fruit tea.

Christen is going to move in to one of their rooms, which is going to be awesome. I’m going to be the only one in Carmichael after that though. Kelly, I think, is moving to Elk Grove.

Tonight I’m going to Pompsicle, that drawing thing…I need to actually buy some drawing paper though. I’m not a drawer though. What I really need is a camera. I’m mostly going ’cause Christen is going. I mean, I love doing art, just not in front of other people. That and it was hella weird last time. If it’s just the guy who runs it and that bitchy lady with the VPL, we’re hella going home.

Categories: Ennui

I just got back from downtown, and I’m kicking back and watching some Star Trek after a long day at work.

I got paid today! I love paydays… it’s the only day I don’t have to worry about money. So after he deposited my check I went down to True Love, had some coffee, and read that new Ballard book I found a while ago. I would have preferred to read Mona Lisa Overdrive, but I had left it at home.

It was a beautiful day… typically Sacramento, where it’s too warm in the sun, but perfect and breezy in the shade. I talked with my mom on the phone for a while, she told me this incredibly funny story about the parents of one of the kids she takes care of. The mother of the child came to pick her up, and as she works in New Jersey, the mother was in a Burka. So, when my mom asked who she was she took off the veil and said “it’s me,” but my mom had never seen the woman without the Burka on, so she was just kind of “umm…okay?” I thought it was an oddly Middle Eastern Kafkaesque moment.

While I was hanging out there, Megan and Steve called me. The day before, they had found this amazing motorcycle jacket and head called me and asked if I wanted it. It was $40, but they assured me that it was really great and so of course I acquiesced. The jacket that I have been using isn’t really my style, but Megan graciously lent it to me anyway (it would still definitely protect my skin in the event of an accident, but it has no padding whatsoever). So today, since I got paid, I met them at True Love and bought the jacket from them. It was really incredible. I have to take pictures of it later. It’s so…European. And it has a whole bunch of padding, which makes me feel much safer.

I also bought a 2GB SD card for my phone. I love that I crave technology, because the longer you wait, the cheaper it gets. I remember when 1GB SD cards were like $100. Now I got one for like $21. It’s not even a regular SD card, it’s the micro SD ones which are expensive since they’re tiny. I got it to be able to put music and videos on my phone. I was really resistant to the concept at first, but I’ve lately become addicted to driving around blasting music on my phone (it has been internal speaker which is surprisingly loud). However, the internal storage on my phone can only hold like five songs. So I’ll be rockin’ the SD.

I was going to stalk Annie and walk towards Capitol Park, but halfway there I realized that I didn’t feel like walking, and I wasn’t really stocking any at all. She didn’t say that she was at the park, but I just sort of thing of that as heard natural environment (as I think of it as my own). On the way back, this extremely long train was passing in my path. It wasn’t one of the commuter trains, it was one of the big honkin’ freight trains, and it took a good 20 minutes to pass, but it was interesting to watch. I used to be such a train buff as a kid.

My grandpa out in Placerville has an entire caboose that is filled with model trains. He’s getting to quite old and I know I need to make it up there, but I have no transportation. That’s a copout though. They are born-again Christians and although I love them to death (Marion, his second wife, is a really nice lady), they are living in like 1920. Alter my childhood I would write her letters, and we would have great conversations until about the sixth letter and then she would write a whole thing about how I need to convert to Christianity and how creationism is the only thing. Yeah, they’re the “dinosaurs played with Jesus” people. So, I really don’t know how to respond to them. I could take the moral high ground and just say “no thanks” every time they try to convert me, but I find it extremely insulting.

And also, there’s a subplot where I might slip and talk about one of my ex-boyfriends. I mean, it’s not like I’m terribly close to them if they were to like this one me, but nobody wants to be disowned, even if it’s by relatives he never see anyway.

I don’t know why, but my voice-recognition program is working perfectly today. I think my computer has just become sentient, that’s the only explanation. I send an e-mail to the company that makes my virtual machine software, and they told me that there’s nothing wrong with their software that it’s my computer. Which means I need to do a complete reinstall. Which means that I need to get a second external drive to back up all of the stuff on my internal drive. So basically, not going to happen for a long-ass time. However, I have been playing around with the other contender in the Mac virtualization world, VMware, which if you don’t know is the head honcho of virtualization. Since Apple’s Intel transition, they have been releasing betas of their own virtual machine product, and I’ve been using it more know since parallels refuses to cooperate 90% of the time. Meh.

I get so inspired to write when I’m driving around my scooter. It’s such an amazing experience just driving down Fair Oaks, feeling the sunshine and watch the leaves from the trees overhead whiz by you as you breathe in the scent of spring and freshness. I don’t know, I guess that sounded like a laundry detergent commercial but it’s still an amazing experience even if I can describe it eloquently.

I haven’t been posting a lot because I feel like people in this house or listening to me when I’m doing voice-recognition, and as the walls of paperthin, that’s probably not a very far-fetched scenario. I don’t know, I shouldn’t care. I am saying important personal things I guess… I can’t bitch about how much I hate John with the thought of them listening.

Let’s see… what has changed? School is over, for the most part. I take my last final on Tuesday, but after that, it’s over. I’ve been working a lot more (because I’ve been so broke), and I don’t think I’m going to take classes the summer because I’m going to see my mom for two weeks. However, when next semester starts I’m going to take all of the classes I need and get the hell out of community college. I will have transportation and a job and everything I need to succeed.

Last night in me, Brian, and Christen hung out. We went out to Denny’s, smoked in the parking lot for a while after we ate, and then went over to Conor’s house. We had never hung out with Conor before and always imagined it would be like really cool but he got sick of us I guess and just got out of the car and walked home. We were joking to him about smoking a whole bunch of pot and we were listening to a bunch of horrible music for shits and giggles, and I guess he thought we were being serious. Well, that and we weren’t paying a lot of attention to him, we were singing along to the Dresden Dolls and *NSYNC. That he thought you’d never see those two bands in the same sentence ;)

Earlier in the day, Christen and I went out to KFC (big mistake). I never eat fast food unless it’s the only thing for miles (like on our Coachella trip *pukes at the thought of McDonalds), but she was hungry and got chicken. Almost immediately after we left, she got hella tired in took a nap in the car for I don’t know how long…we were reading news and slipping in and out of consciousness. We drove back to my house and watched The Tenant, with a hammock break in between. Afterwards we watched music videos on Front Row, and then went out to Denny’s with Brian.

Let’s see… what else have I done? I feel like I have to go through my pictures to know what I’m doing. Oh yeah, me and Brian took all these random emo pictures a Christen’s house last night. It was really fun.

Oh, a few days ago I watched The Fountain, this amazing movie by Darren Aronofsky, the guy who did Pi and Requiem for a Dream. It was a tearjerker, but the plot was so well-crafted, the editing so flawless and the message so clear that it is a must-see, in my opinion.

I took a different way home today, I drove down Folsom, towards where I used to live with Adrian and where I got mugged. It was a beautiful drive, and I guess it sort of felt nostalgic, but mostly it just was very stark… when you’re with someone you like can’t imagine being without them in the feel like you’re going to be with them for ever, but in the back of your mind a little tiny voice says “what could this ever be like without him?” And then it’s like years have gone by in a second and you’re a completely new person. Driving on my scooter with my cool jacket and my smartphone… I mean, the changes are more then things that I buy, but your possessions tend to reflect who you are in some strange way. Sartre would say that it’s the other way around, that your possessions define you, but the distinction is really academic. The whole time I was dating him I couldn’t imagine what it would be like when it’s over, and it is. It’s been for a long time. And I’m OK with it… and that just strikes me as so strange.

Well, Christen just called me and we’re going to True Love it up, so I should be going.

I didn’t have time to proof it yet, I had to run out, so if you’re reading it, forgive my voice-recognition program’s errors. <3

Categories: Ennui