I had such a fun night tonight!

I spent all afternoon reading Mona Lisa Overdrive, the last book in the Sprawl trilogy, and it was fucking incredible.

Incredible.

I was riveted to the pages on the last few chapters…and people kept calling…I couldn’t even think to turn off my phone. I was there.

Anyway, Steve called me and invited me to Laura (they pronounce it lala, since most people can’t say the Italian inflected version of Laura)’s birthday party. She’s one of the Italian exchange students that have been living with them.

I came over, we had pizza and talked about the X-files and the minor celebrities that me and this cool girl that lives there had known. We all went down to Faces, which was deader than dead, but we had the whole dance floor to ourselves, so it was like a private party. I hung out with Valerie in the unisex bathrooms to get her over the wierdness of it, then the two of us went up to the balcony and talked about her thing with Brent for a while, and my thing with Alex. She (along with everyone else I showed his pic to) was blown away by how hawt he is.

We went downstairs and joined Annie. She was wearing the cute hat that we’d gotten in Old Sac, and looked very trim and stylish. Alex called me, and while I was upstairs talking to him, Annie came up. I snuck up on her and scared her. Alex had to go to bed, so we hung up. Of course, it was Scott Scott Scott Scott Scott Scott Scott Scott Scott Scott. And then Scott Scott Scott Scott and Scott Scott and more Scott.

Scott.

About how she “manipulated me” to get me to tell her that he was at the HorseCow barbecue. Listened to her tell a completely different story than Josh about what happened that night. Weighing the pros and cons of jumping headfirst from the balcony.

If only I could be 100% sure I’d lose all memory of this conversation, I’d jump.

I think she was trying to incite an argument, but I’m not the arguing type. When I argue, I just get angry and say things I don’t mean. I know this, that’s why I don’t go there. I need to have conversations about important topics not in the way Annie does. She’s so earnest…with all the self-propaganda. I just don’t know what to believe any more.

I really don’t care about Scott as a person.

The thing that bothers me is that the feeling I get is: Scott is the only person that matters to me, and I will lie, cheat, and manipulate my friends to be close to him.

I often say that I don’t like drama, but in this instance, I feel like we need to have a talk. As I was driving home tonight, one phrase was stuck in my head.

Sound and fury.

Sound and fury.

I’m not sure what to do. I guess I’ll mull it over some more. I feel like if I say that I don’t think Scott likes her that she’s just going to stop talking to me. I feel like if I say that what she’s done is wrong, she’ll turn on the insults. I hate being with people who take notes of things you hold dear to make fun of you about them later.

The one thing I remember is I was talking to her about how Patrick and I had had rather intimate iChat A/V sessions, when we were dating. She pretended to be interested, but I could see the gleam in her eye. I thought to myself: she’s going to make fun of me for this.

I don’t remember how long it took, but I was right. There she was, denouncing me as sick. Slicing deep.

I held my tongue. I hold it too much. But if I would have said what I was thinking, I probably wouldn’t have talked to her again.

But yes, back to the party, Laura really liked the place, but she got bored of the people singing karaoke, so we went to Badlands (Valerie had gone to a birthday party for another friend, and joined us at Badlands). I mostly sat at the bar nursing a RedBull and mulled over the Annie thing with Steve. I also talked with Megan a lot about how technology impacts our lives (a central theme in the novel I’d just finished that day).

Pulsating LEDs on a big mixing stack downstairs.

When we left, the two Italian girls were IN LOVE with my Vespa. I was so excited!

I get to see Alex tomorrow! I saw a few guys that were cute at the club…but I just glanced over them as they walked by with this kind of “you have no idea the boy I’m dating…he is a hundred times more amazing than you could ever hope to be” contempt.

Alex was talking about how possessive and jealous he is, and I am EXACTLY the same way.

Mine means mine.

And with him, I feel like I have the Hope diamond or something like that, and every bitch in the world is going to want him. Okay, I have to go to sleep. It’s three.

I just want to kiss him so badly. Being in love is so weird. You know what’s even weirder? I’m listening to “Walkin’ on the Sun.” I’m in a 90s one-hit-wonder mood this week. Well that and I’ve been listening to “Leif Erickson,” the amazing Interpol song endlessly too. And, of course, the remix of “Isobel.”

Okay, I’m forcing myself to sleep.