the diary of antoine roquentin

Vector self-portrait. Two hours ago.

I was tired after class and had a headache, so I made the mistake of going to sleep at 9 p.m.

So I had a bunch of dreams where me and the Italian girls went out drinking and then fought off zombies. I dream about zombies most of the time, but these were different. There was fear involved, where mostly I just hang out on the roof with a shotgun thinking that the invasion is the most normal thing in the world.

I miss Terry :(

It’s sad waking up from a scary dream and you’re alone.

I miss the Italian girls.

I miss everyone.

At this time of night it’s hard to believe that the world exists. I feel like everything disappears at 3 a.m. as the Matrix does a database backup.

I was browsing torrents, but now I’m just listening to romantic songs.

Well, I found this cool hack of sorts that lets me get unlimited data on my phone for $20 a month, which isn’t bad. I also need to switch to DSL, this $49 a month shit is just not cutting it.

I know I’ve been meaning to do that for fucking ever, but my grandma is never fucking home and I need the last four digits of her SSN to do it. I hate not being in control of my connection.

I keep reading about how the U.S. is doomed financially with our fucking crazy spending and the looming medicare crisis. I just don’t know where is safe. I just want to move out to the middle of the desert with a huge stockpile of food and water. But then again, that isn’t much of a life. One thing’s for sure: America is fucked. I need to get out of this country as soon as possible.

Oddly enough, that’s kind of the reason that I’m taking so many classes. I’ve got to get my B.A. and get to Zurich before the American economy crashes.

Does that sound insane? Well, George Bush has racked up more debt than all the other presidents. Combined.

And when the baby boomers start to retire and demand healthcare, we are totally doomed unless we change our fiscal policy, but nobody cares. And then in my geology class he’s talking about all the devastating effects of global warming.

Never in the planet’s history have we ever faced such problems. The next fifty years will truly be a test of mankind’s ability to rise above its selfish impulses and preserve the race. I guess we do live in a brave new world. I just hope I get to see how it all plays out.

Categories: Ennui

It’s 1:56 p.m.

I’m at American River College.

And I have absolutely no connectivity. I can’t believe it…a college where you have to pay $30 a month to use their wi-fi.

Bullshit.

I’m turning on the data plan on my phone when I get home.

Anyway, I’ve decided to take a math class. I’m going to get a permission number from the teacher,
or at least try.

I’m using this cool app called Nocturne to make my screen on my laptop black and white.

And I’m going to be using Smultron to take notes. I just realized that I didn’t take a binder or any paper, just my laptop. Um…probably a bad idea. I’ll pick up a few sheets at the ARC store.

My parking pass that I bought online never showed up, so I’m probably going to get another parking ticket today.

I’m staying away from the motorcycle parking forever. I went to put my jacket in the trunk and this hot betch on a white Vespa pulled up and parked right next to me. I was all AAH, MUST LEAVE. They had a helmet on, so I was convincing myself it was a girl, not a higher-level Vespa rider. I don’t feel like I have a lot of hit points today, even though I really do.

Here’s an overview of my equipment.

Express Pinstripe Slacks – +40 to corporate chic, -20 to ability to dupe bums into thinking you are poor

Express Jacket – +25 to armor, adds four slots to inventory, +30 to comfyness

Plain Black Gap T-Shirt of Invisibility – +10% to attack speed, adds 15 hit points, +1 skill level to Rogue “Invisibility” spell

Brand-new High-Top Converse of Walking +5% to walking speed, +10 damage to post-punk attacks.

Oh dear, my class is in 20 minutes. I should probably go find out where it is.

Categories: Ennui

I swear, I am the biggest idiot sometimes. I just spent the last 10 minutes trying to figure out why my voice recognition would not work. The mute button on my headset was on. I swear, it’s always the easiest solutions. Well, to be honest, it only took like a minute and a half, but it felt like forever.

Was kind of feeling like making a video post, but once I fired up the camera I wasn’t sure what to say. And I don’t know, text is calming somehow. The words don’t change and it can glance over it easily, as opposed to video… which I find a questionable medium for disseminating feelings. I mean, I will do a video post and then watch it back and be like “oh God… I have to edit that out” but you can’t or it’s like totally obvious.

I’m absolutely in love with my MacBook. I’m sitting in the kitchen with the door to the garage open, listening to the glug glug glug of the washing machine while I voice recognize my heart away.

Today was so amazing. It was Terry’s birthday, so we both slept in. After I woke up, I drove downtown and we went down to old Sacramento and walked around all the cute shops. We visited Evangeline’s Costume Mansion and had so many ideas for costumes, it was the first time I’d ever gone. We are totally going to have matching ones. We are going to either be the members of The Knife or people going to a Venetian masquerade ball. I can totally pull that off, and they have an amazing selection.

After the costume mansion, we went to this place…I can NEVER remember the name, it’s something like Fatty Anne’s Cookhouse. They have a bunch of quirky decor and rather good food. It’s more of a straight middle-aged person hangout, even though I love it.

I mean, going to Hot Rods (the quintessential gay diner on K Street) is so last year. Anyway, we had a great time… Terry got out his MacBook and we were reading my blog. He is so awesome.

After lunch we walked around old Sacramento a little more, went down to the river, and then drove over to the downtown plaza for some Starbucks. We made a point to park right near the elevator… but as we soon learned, they go up to the third floor but then the door doesn’t open. It so we came back to the bottom level of the parking garage and the other elevator open. We went to go in and there was this other couple looking really confused and we were like “Um, did yours just go up and stop too?” We exchanged a confused look, and walked towards the stairs.

We got Starbucks at the mall and of course forgot to get our parking validated. Oh well…

Terry had to go and get a mattress and do a few other errands, so we parted ways a few hours ago. As soon as I got home I realized that I had a whole bunch of stuff to do to, so it was really helpful the way it all worked out. I had to wash all my clothes and my room was in shambles. I mean, I’m a pretty messy person in that my room looks like a mess to everyone else but I totally know where everything is. However, I knew that the piles of stuff were starting to interbreed and create a race of superjunk that would destroy my room from the inside out. So yeah, it was cleaning time. I can see the floor again!

I was talking with Terry about his house, which is kind of cool. He lives with this guy who is really into UFOs and he travels a lot and has a lot of money (as landlords are wont to do). However, the house is like spotless. So spotless that like when you wash your hands in the bathroom and you get a few drops of water on the counter and you kind of feel guilty for making a mess. Yeah. Which is totally fine for Terry… I totally couldn’t live that way myself though. I find cleaning odious and terrible. I need kind of a level of stuff around me in order to feel at home and that I’m not living in a museum.

I’m reminded of Victor, the guy that Adrian dated before me who we hung out with a few times. I was drinking a glass of water and put it on his coffee table. I looked away at for a second, looked back, and there he was moving the coffee table a miniscule bit so that it would be exactly lined up with the couch. I was like Whoa…you OCD bitch! But Terry isn’t that that anal. We’re just different in that respect. He was talking about redoing the plants in the front yard and I was looking at him like he had three heads. I don’t care if the plants in front of my house are on fire, they don’t exist in my world. Well maybe that’s because we have a gardener and it always looks nice.

I’m very particular about what the inside of my house looks like because I see it all the time, but the outside… I really don’t give a shit. I’m totally reminded of the dead lawn at Kelly and Christen’s house. Nobody really gave a shit, even though Christen watered it occasionally. And I love that. It’s very like college student-ey. But he did explain that he would be hanging out on the porch and I’m like “Okay, I can see that.”

The whole concept of curb appeal makes me want to die though. If I’m going to work on the way my house looks, it’s for ME, not for the assholes driving by.

So… school starts tomorrow, which I am excited about and dreading at the same time. I really need to look at my schedule and put it all into Google calendar, because last time I didn’t do that and I was really confused about what was going on. I put all the wrong stuff in my calendar and it screwed me up. But never again! I should probably do that right now.

I just want to say that the night with Christen was totally amazing. She was dressed in this amazing burlesque outfit holding platters with stuffed animals on them. Remember when they wanted to do this art project where they were going to fire paint at us naked? Well they use that same thing to blast fire with stuffed animals. Christen and the other burlesque girl would go all around with the animals and put them in the cannon device thing and then they would shoot out with all this fire. It was pretty cool.

And then after that, this guy and girl got all oiled up and wrestled while everyone was screaming and Ken was on the microphone making very loud siren sounds and saying all sorts of insane stuff like “Kill pigs” and crap. Everyone was blowing these horns…so surreal.

The cops even showed up and I guess Allen is totally down with making everything they do there seem socially acceptable. It was just so cool, I miss Christen terribly. And of course, Terry was awesome. I am just blown away by him.

So yeah. This week it’s all about Brazilian Girls, Benni Benassi, iio, and my adorable boyfriend.

Hasta.

Categories: Ennui

I’m over at Terry’s new place on 27th downtown watching Margaret Cho while he takes a shower.

I love Margaret Cho’s impression of straight girls.

We’re going to go to the HorseCow party and hang out with Christen :)

I actually got the RAM put into my new computer, I had to get this special screwdriver and fuck with it for about a half-hour. So it totally works, although my Mac Mini only recognizes one of the modules I put in. I don’t really care though, I’ll open it and jiggle everything around later.

I called T-Mobile and they will not give me a new phone or even try to fix it. So I got angry and ripped the damn faceplate off. I can actually type on it better now, and it’s all black without the aluminum faceplate.

I’m so not wanting to start school on Monday…my vacation will be over. Aww.

But I’ll be all busy and such and it’ll feel good. I just can’t like believe Terry exists. He is so perfect! Every relationship has a honeymoon phase, and I’m really enjoying being with him. Maybe it’s not just a honeymoon phase, I dunno.

I just like him so much and he doesn’t seem like…well…cagey and insane, like most of the other people I’ve dated. Every time I see him it’s just this rush of “zomg he’s really real and omg we’re dating zomg!

And um, yes, he is ridicluously hawt. In like, all ways.

He is so amazing, I love his outfit, he just got out of the shower. We’re going to go to HC now. Yay!

Categories: Ennui

Brian, Erin, Terry, and I went out on the town tonight and had SO much fun!

My wrists hurt right now and everyone’s asleep so no voice rec, but I’ll blog about it tomorrow after work.

Terry is so fucking awesome.

Categories: Ennui