Terry is the most amazing person.
Ever.
Here’s his cute mug:
I stayed the night at his house last night, which was just incredible. Instead of meeting me for one hour a week, this guy actually wanted to snuggle with me all night.
Terry is so fucking amazing. I am just like, speechless.
I’m typing this on my macbook at work, I’m on lunch.
It’s beautiful and sunny and I am just on another happier planet.
Categories: Ennui
We just got coffee and are having a wonderful time.
I’m writing this on his MacBook Pro. Last night was so weird…and like, readjusting to life in Sac is super strange.
But I’m having a great time, and isn’t that all that matters?
School starts next week. Oh, I have to buy my Geology book.
Grr…have to log in to Backpack and check my to-do list. :(
Categories: Ennui
I’m back.
I took a taxi to my house, cost $50 but I got the whole day to unpack and set up my computer.
I talked with Terry on iChat a/v, and we went outside and video chatted in our front yards (me in my hammock). Technology is so amazing.
That night, I went out with Brian and Erin to this girl Jenny’s going away party. We met a bunch of cool people. After that, we went back to my house and watched NicoTeen, this ridiculous porno about smoking.
After the kitsch of that wore off, we watched Margaret Cho until about one.
And now, it’s sleep time.
Drew, I’m really sorry it didn’t work out. You’re a really amazing guy. I hope that you’ll find someone more suited to you. And we’ll still talk on AIM.
Oh, did I mention that? God, I’m so totally sleep deprived. Drew and I sort of dissolved our relationship today. It was obvious that it wasn’t working, and we decided to just stay AIM buddies. I barely slept today, so yeah. Sleep time.
Categories: Ennui
Well, I’m in L.A., 9:56 PDT. On East Coast time, it’s one in the afternoon. I’m sitting in front of my gate on my final flight from LA to Sacramento.
I am in love with my noise canceling headphones. They allowed me to sleep through nearly the entire transcontinental flight. I watched some of the Wonderful Electric DVD on my iPod, had the inflight beverage, and the next thing I knew I was waking up on the final descent into LA.
I really really really don’t want to take a cab home, but it looks like the only option that will completely protect my precious MacBook from theft. And hell no, am not riding light rail. But it will cost $50 or so. I’ll see if it’s cheaper if I take the bus that drops me off in front of Macy’s downtown and then get a cab from there. I mean, it’s going to be the morning, nobody’s going to be on the buses. I’ll just feel it out. If I feel any shady factor, I’m getting a damn cab.
Also, I had my mom straighten my hair.
This is my “I hate L.A.” face (with newly straightened hair).
What do you think? I think it looks amazing, I’m in love with it.
I’m sort of falling more in love with Karen O. the more that I watch the “Maps” video. I need to listen to that album more.
I’m writing this in the kind of text editor that you’re supposed to write PHP in. It highlights every bit of code I enter, italics and bold. I considered calling Megan and Steve, but it’s short notice and I didn’t call them while I was away anyway. I wish Brian had a car, but then we would probably have so much fun driving around it would be illegal.
Terry is hella asleep. He sent me his last text at 7 a.m.
Or maybe the timestamp is only when my phone received it. Who knows. It’s time for Massive Attack music videos. And more reflection on the fact that I think I have become an AdriTaggart.
I can’t end relationships when they aren’t going well. It’s one of my biggest flaws. What the fuck is Drew doing in Tahoe anyway? Why does anyone go there. My grandma’s going there for a few days too. She told me a week before, but I think she’s lying to make it seem shorter so I won’t have anyone over.
She doesn’t get it. I’m not John. I won’t invite my drunk asshole friends over to destroy everything at her house. That bitch is so twisted. I was telling my East Coast grandma Jean (who is fucking amazing, in all the ways old Italian women can be) about all the things that Grammie does, and she was astounded.
Having Christen gone doesn’t do much for my feeling of having a constant reality either. But I think Brian and I are going to do something. I just don’t trust myself in the same zip code as Terry. And we’re supposed to get coffee and see Paris J’tamie. I mean, yes, the cutest night ever, but it’s cheating.
And I realize: I’m bored by my boyfriend. He’s a great guy, but I just don’t see it going anywhere. We’re at totally different parts in our lives. I guess that’s the truth I’ve been dancing around the whole time.
Man, I’m hungry. Oh yeah! My mom packed me sandwiches. My mom rocks. Eww, crumb on my trackpad.
Gross.
I don’t know what to do today. Hook up my computers. Sleep. Unpack. Oh shit, they’re boarding. Now.
Categories: Ennui
I’m at the airport in Newark, blasting music on my MacBook and waiting for my flight to leave. It’s going to be after this one that leaves at six, at least I hope. The wi-fi in the concourse is $7 for a day’s use, and I’m only going to be here for about another hour. $7 for an hour of connectivity? I don’t think so.
Yeah, I’m cheap. Deal with it.
I’m writing this in Smultron, one of my favorite apps for OSX. It’s a stripped-down text editor that is actually quite feature-laden. I love text editors. Especially ones that display what line you are at. I’m writing line five.
Okay, I feel like I’ve been an asshole to Drew. I go back and forth between thinking he’s the ass and that I am. I mean, there was a reason for that fiasco that happened at Trash Film Orgy.
I have this feeling like he’s still in the closet in a lot of ways.
It’s a horrible thing to agree with Annie, but I am what she pretends to be, a person that enjoys it when all my friends comingle. Especially when it’s friends and my boyfriend. When you’re dating someone you’re not just dating them, you’re dating their friends too. Which is hard.
I dunno. I mean, I need to stop complaining to Brian that he never spends time with me.
After the last week, I am totally fucking spoiled.
And it’s all about Terry.
Ok.
Terry is um…totally fucking awesome. We have been texting each other near-endlessly (I need to check my SMS limit when I get back to connectivity), and I am so into him. But I’m in a relationship. And then, when I think about it, Drew and I aren’t good for each other. I get this standoffish feeling from him that I just can’t shake. I just keep thinking back to this one time when we were first talking about dating, where I asked him what he wanted from a relationship, and he couldn’t give me an answer.
I thought he would think about it for a while and then tell me, but he didn’t. I don’t want to interrogate the boy, I just want to know what’s going on in his lovely head.
About a week into the trip, I was complaining that he wasn’t calling me, and I wanted to call him, but then I was like “Wait…what the hell would we talk about? I thought that he was just shy, and he has become much less shy, but he never has much to talk about. And I don’t get why.
Okay, before the Internet, there were excuses for not having much to say. But come on, people. There’s Digg. There’s every newspaper published all over the world available online. Why would one have nothing to talk about? This is from me, the guy who uses nearly 3,000 minutes a month on his cell plan. Seriously. So I just don’t get it.
Oh thank the gods, the flight attendant just said that this was the right gate. Awesome.
There’s a Starbucks here, I should spend that $7 on delicious delicious chai (I did, after I finished the post). Today of all days I’m realizing that a computer without the Internet is pretty much useless these days. I even forgot to put some TV shows on the internal HD, so I’m stuck with just music and a few music videos. So basically my computer could be replaced by a typewriter with an iPod stapled on.
I guess it’s going to be about writing when I’m on the plane. Or maybe more about Tetris. Who knows. I don’t have one of those privacy screens, so I don’t think it’d be a great idea to write while on the plane. I did get a window seat though…eh, who knows. I’ll have six hours to plumb the depths of my boredom.
It was so depressing leaving my mom this morning. I was crying, she was crying, it was horrible. But flying is such an odd and amazing thing. You just have this piece of paper and a passport and you show it to everyone and they usher you into this esoteric world in the sky. I dunno. I guess it’s ’cause I haven’t flown for years that I’m so enamored with the whole process. Well, not enamored, but astonished.
Omigod, the day before I left my mom took me on a shopping spree at this FUCKING MASSIVE mall in Paramus. Basically, Paramus is where all the rich people in New Jersey live, and this mall was insane. Basically every store was Luis Vuitton, Guess, Lacoste, Express…it was insane. There were stores that you would look at and just know you couldn’t afford anything in them. It was crazy.
But my mom bought me this beautiful amazing Express jacket, this one I’d wanted for YEARS. I’m in love with it. Well, my wrists are starting to hurt, I should stop typing. Voice-Rec in public would be such a faux pas. :)
I guess Amanda P. says it best:
It’s been decades since my pit days
but i havent shaken it – i sit there like an idiot
still caught up in the old punk protocol
and dreaming that the teenagers will think that i’m a radicaland i still wait for the bus to come where high school got torn down
still expecting to find true love among the skateboarders hanging out
in back of the bank in my hometown
Categories: Ennui
I’ll be back at about noon PST, and I’ll take a cab to the house. I’d love to save the $50 for cab fare, but none of my friends are in town…everyone is in Lake Tahoe, oddly enough.
I leave in about a half-hour…it’s going to be really sad. I had so much fun here visiting my mom…damn.
Well, I’d better go. I have a super short layover in L.A., so it’s just going to be all day flying. I hope I can sleep on the plane.
I’m just so torn…there are so many possibilities there and so many here. The world sucks.
I called Drew before I left, he was in Lake Tahoe and seemed really pissed. We have barely talked since I’ve been here. Okay, we haven’t talked at all except for some brief chats on AIM.
I don’t know how to feel about him.
I’m just so damn confused. I had some serious questions that I wanted to ask him, and I felt like I couldn’t because we were so far away. I’ve fucked everything up.
And my near-endless texting of Terry hasn’t helped matters. He is so fun. We’re both mac geeks and Star Trek aficionados, and are totally into Kathy Griffin and Margaret Cho. Well basically, he’s fun and spontaneous. Which I love in my friends. Him and Brian and I are going to have so much fun we’ll be unstoppable.
Categories: Ennui
I know I haven’t posted in a while. I had a blast in Wildwood…the weather was amazing. I need to have some IRL conversations before I start writing again. So, Sunday-ish. Until then, I give you Really Rich Italian Satanists. Ah, iTunes Store. Is there anything you can’t do?
Categories: Ennui
It was a wonderful beach day. My aunt Gail and uncle Gary were down and brought my cousins Nicholas and Alexis, they are so cute.
Nicholas and Alexis, surfing.
We had a fun day at the beach and then went out for dinner at this cool restaurant. It was the rest of the fam’s last day here, and we made the best of it.
After that we went up to see my cousin Patty who has this beautiful condo with an ocean view. She takes care of my aunt Anna (her mother, who I adore). She’s the one that used to work for Barnes and Noble (the husband and wife that started the company) in New York City back in the fifties. She is so fucking cool, I would love to turn her back into a teenager and go for a night out on the town, circa 1940.
But anyway, we had a nice visit. And although I’d love to wait for Terry (my new trekkie friend) to sign on (he’s visiting with a friend and told me he’d sneak on later), I am fucking exhausted. I stayed up until 4 a.m. a/ving with him. We were in stitches while I talked about Janeway’s pussy smelling like Lysol…er…you had to be there.
Drew is MIA these days. He’s never online. I guess I should pick up my damn phone, but I feel weird calling people while I’m here…like I’m ignoring my mom, since we spend all day doing stuff. I’ll call him from the beach tomorrow.
I’m getting along with Terry so well and it’s really making me think about my relationship with Drew.
It’s a weird feeling “Oh…what do we have in common again?” but we do have compatible interests. I’m just easily won over by new friends, that’s all.
That and travel gives me a chance to reflect on my relationships. Two hours into the drive to Coachella this year and I just turned to Christen and was like “You know, Patrick and me are totally over.” This reflection isn’t very world shattering though, I think Drew and I are rather honest about what we want. And I’m not trying to fool myself into thinking that I’m not in a long distance relationship, although I still love Patrick to death.
I’ve had “Downtown” by Petula Clark stuck in my head all night, so I’m sitting on the motel bed rocking out to it and Justice, that awesome French electronic duo. They are Daft Punk but with much more playful melodies and no repetitive samples.
Well, I should get to sleep before I die of exhaustion.
Categories: Ennui
I’m in such a Lady Sovereign mood.
We got to the Shore today, and I’m on this janky wi-fi using custom dns servers or else it doesn’t work.
But I met the coolest guy tonight, he’s a super mac geek and trekkie from Natomas.
I’m so easy to win over with the littlest things.
I’m on my Macbook in the middle of the hotel bed propped up on pillows. It’s midnight, and I’m blasting Praga Khan, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, CSS, and all I want to do is have a big dance party. But no. Must sleep. ‘Cause we got boogie boards (like mini surf boards) and we’re going to spend all tomorrow at the beach.
Well, I’m excited.
Oh god.
So many ripped college guys. It’s so fucking weird. Well, this is a beach town…I’d probably go to the gym if I lived here.
It’s like…spring break Sean Cody Edition.
I guess I’m feeling a bit undersexed being here with all this eye candy. And when I go to Greenwich Village next week…eek!
Okay. Must think about something else.
Well, I Googled a few indie porn stars…and now I’m bored and watching music videos.
Oh yay, what’s-his-face is back.
Categories: Ennui
Mecca. (At the flagship Fifth Avenue Apple Store, NYC)
Reunion. My mom and I, with Mecca in the background.
Above. My mom.
And, ’cause I’m a fag:
DKNY.
Armani.
Dior.
Lacoste.
H&M
Armani Exchange.
Versace.
Hello Kitty. ;)
For my soul brother and sister:
Brookstone. At Rockefeller Center
Here’s a view of Rockefeller from inside the store.
Hallmark.
And last, but not least, the obligatory Times Square photo.
Categories: Ennui