Today has been like a dream.
I guess that would normally mean it’s been good…and I guess it has been good. Woke up in bed with Terry, gave him a ride to work, got to work remarkably early, spent my last five dollars on lunch at Subway.
It’s only Tuesday.
I don’t know how I’m going to survive. Yes, I have food at my house. But it’s raining…it’s been raining all day. I haven’t showered and feel grimy.
Christen met me at True Love after work. I don’t know why I go there. Inertia. We walked to the bank on Capitol and ran into Derek.
It was kinda awkward…he was also going to True Love. I don’t know what to do today. Talked with Christen, and at first I felt really happy and was joking with her about the weird people we know…and then we walked over to Lumens and I just started feeling really fucking depressed. Maybe it’s the weather…I don’t know.
I asked why she didn’t show up at Second Saturday and didn’t call or anything, and I was right. She was over at Allen’s.
I’m not sure what I expected…an apology? I mean, it really wasn’t such a big deal, we did our own thing and hung out with Megan and Steve and the gang, but…I mean, the night before she was talking about how Allen was going to bail on her and do some kind of art performance.
And then she went and did the same thing. I dunno, it’s just one of those “eh, I love you, but god damn you’re unreliable” moments.
Well, Terry and I are getting along better than ever. He’s so damn cute. I’m sort of taking a different tack with the relationship…or maybe it’s just in the bedroom. I’m sort of learning to realize what I want and to do it. It’s kind of awesome. I’m too used to just mindlessly reacting to the mood swings of my exes that this kind of communication never developed.
So I’m in Terry’s house right now. I’m typing this on his MacBook. And like, I don’t have the impulse to snoop. I guess I did want to snoop on Adrian, but I didn’t want to know the reality. I kind of want to look at his porn, but I’m too hungry right now to be horny. I have an apple in my trunk…but I’m too lazy to go down there.
Today just really depressed me. I guess it’s really contagious. Christen says the only thing that keeps her going is thinking about her fantasy apartment…she went to Target to marvel at cute furniture and housewares.
If only I had such an obsession. Well, I guess I do have one.
Zombies.
I spent my entire lunch reading about the T-Virus and its derivatives. You know, I wish I could play Diablo II again. Days like this when I felt like I just wanted to curl up and die, I could be a victorious paladin (or sorceror…that was my favorite), fighting demons and the hordes of undead. But in real life the battles are more complex, and I just wish I could just level up.
I think I need to get off this fucking Internet, eat some food, and start working on my algebra. Class was canceled yesterday, and I need to catch up on my homework.
I need to stop reading about the T-Virus and ebola…I keep feeling like this world isn’t real…that we’re on the brink of some kind of horrible disaster.
Maybe it’s my horrible premonition that one day I won’t have that emergency stockpile of rice…that I’ll be out of everything. I don’t think that’ll happen, but I’ve gotten pretty close. Fuck. I’ll take a shower, then algebra time.
I’m at Terry’s place until he gets off work. I think he’s off at nine, and it’s 8:18. Not much time to do my homework. We need to stop sleeping in and missing class and work. I need to grow up.
It’s just that whenever I’m alone I feel like I’m the last one left.
