Regret
I am having the most unproductive day ever. It started at one o’clock in the morning, when Terry tried to convince me to get up in another five hours and go down to the welfare office to apply for food stamps. I need to do it, because I haven’t been to a doctor in like five years, and once you are approved for food stamps you are automatically eligible for like every government program in the world.
I got up really early this morning and spent nearly 2 hours doing my math homework. I got nearly nothing done. I don’t understand how to do this one problem type… you are supposed to factor all these polynomials that are in the form of fractions and then most of them are supposed to all cancel out, but none of them do because they all have different variables. So I went to my class hoping (even though everyone else is sections ahead of me) that she would say something that would help me. Nope. And to make matters worse, I forgot my calculator at home. So I couldn’t do any homework in class. I’ve pretty much given up on section 6.1, I’m just going to attempt to solve the problems and then write the answers at the bottom. She’s not going to give us many problems like that on the test, so whatever.
Days like this I just feel angry at everyone. My grandma was bothering me all morning asking me how everything was going, and I just wanted to go “BITCH LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE? DO YOU SEE I’M EATING BREAKFAST? THAT MEANS CLOSE YOUR FUCKING FACE BECAUSE I’M NOT AWAKE ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH YOUR BULLSHIT!” But she’s been nothing but nice to me ever since I’ve been here, so I can’t do that.
Anyway, I have geology in another hour and I don’t understand anything of that’s going on. I mean, I get it, but I’m going to have to study all the different kinds of faults and I know that I won’t study and I know that I’m going to get a bad grade. It’s like I can see the future ahead of me and I can’t do anything to change it. On Wednesday I always promise to spend a whole bunch of time working on my homework and catching up, but I haven’t done that all semester. In my math class we’re about to start coordinate graphing and that was about the time that I dropped the class last semester. I think I’m just going to have to give up on all the homework on chapter 6 and just start with chapter 7. It’s such a shitty feeling when you are bogged down with so much work and it’s all your fault. The only small consolation is that I understand the kind of problems that she’s teaching to us now, so I think I’ll get good grades on the tests…it’s just this one pocket of unsolvable problems stopped me from making any headway today.
Instead of buying a new pair of pants yesterday, I should have been working on my fucking algebra.
Just two more classes. Just two more classes and I can graduate. I think I’m going to have to take the lab portion of my geology class over again. I’m doing terribly in it. Well, we were able to correctly identify all the metamorphic rocks that we looked at last time. I guess that’s a good sign. The way the classes set up he just gives you rocks and a sheet of paper with their properties and you just have to figure it out. The problem is, if you figure them all out wrong you remember them all wrong and you write the same wrong answers on your test.
It’s not like during the lecture he passes us all examples of each kind of rock. No, not at all. He will hold up a specimen for like a second so that only the people in the first row can see it and then maybe pass one or two around but they have nothing on them so I don’t know what kind of rock they are. This guy says that he’s been teaching geology for like 30 years and I’m really surprised that he is such a bad teacher. Well, I’m a visual learner. Show me the fucking rock, tell me what it is, and I’ll remember it.
I’m just sick of this kinesthetic bullshit.
And I feel really bad that I didn’t go with Terry this morning. I sent him a text and he didn’t respond. I don’t know what that means. I would have been down for going except for that I absolutely can’t miss my math class because I’m so behind. That and he sprung this on me after I had already been asleep for about a half-hour. My phone chirps, I wander over to the computer, and ten minutes later he’s berating me for being lazy because something he wants to do doesn’t fit into my schedule.
Whatever. My nerves are just fucked today. I left my math class during the break hoping to go to the library and catch up on my work, but I had forgotten my calculator. Today is just one of those days where you think it can’t get any worse and then it does.
If I manage to get anything done today (a miracle at this point) it’s going to be showing up at both of my classes on time. So I’m going to post this, have a snack, get on my damn scooter, and go right back to the college.
30 minutes early.
Punctuality counts for something, right? *exasperated sigh*
I want to go over and visit Terry after school, but I have too much math to do. I need to deny myself all worldly pleasures until I get this shit done (yeah, like that’s going to happen).
