So I came up with the best hack in the world.

I’m wearing my normal headphones under my voice recognition headset. They are my noise isolating headphones, so I hear this weird echo of my own voice inside my head. It’s very strange. However, when I connect the USB headset directly to the virtual machine it seems to get much better audio quality. A signal strength of 20 versus 17-18 with the audio passed through from Mac OS. AND with my super headphone-over-headphone technology, I can write and listen to music.

I guess the simplest solution would have been to install iTunes inside the virtual machine, but that doesn’t work. I suspect it’s because the copy of Windows I’m using is all stripped down, and they probably stripped out something that iTunes needs.

So I woke up early (well, eleven) and I got all ready to go down to give all of Terry’s stuff back. We had arranged to meet before 1 p.m. So I got everything ready went down and started my scooter. However, the day before when I was driving back from the mall my scooter had started making this weird metal grinding noise. My sixth car sense told me to take in, and by some miracle the dealership was open. So I went down there and let them listen to the noise and immediately he told me that the clutch was totally busted.

And they can’t fix it until Friday.

Drove home at 10 mph, and basically I don’t have a car all week. My grandma said that she would let me borrow her car (it was sort of a tentative thing, we are going to talk about it in depth on Sunday. But I need to. There is no bus that will get me home and the only bike in the garage is this janky piece of shit where the tire doesn’t stay inflated for more than like five minutes. I found this out on an ill-fated trip to Washington Mutual to deposit all the rest of my birthday money.

But through all that I was actually kind of laughing at myself. I get really comfortable in my life and it’s actually kind of fun when things go wrong. So when I was having a good time today.

Well, it was definitely a roller coaster ride. First the scooter news, then the exhausting ride to WaMu on my dead uncle John’s equally embalmed bike, then Brian calls. Apparently Aaron wants to come over and they are going to have sex talk about the relationship. By some kind of freaky drama inducing miracle, my grandma actually leaves and goes to her boyfriend’s house.

So I invite them over, although I was actually out at the time. So I get back and they were… um… indisposed. They came out looking very awkward and we watched Spanish TV for a while (it was the only thing on) until I got sick of it and plugged in my laptop to the TV and put on Kathy Griffin. I was sort of making jokes about what they’d done but it was really hard to lighten the mood. Sex with an ex. Not fun.

Well, it’s fun, but heart-wrenching.

They go outside to talk for a while so I put on the Goldfrapp tour DVD *dum da dum* Black Cherry *humming along* Brian comes in CRYING. I have NO idea what to do, so I gave him a hug, and talked with him for a while. I don’t know what to say. Make some ice cream. I don’t like Rocky Road, but I eat it anyway. I guess all three of us went into that night with hopes of a certain kind of thing happening, and we all got annoyed and frustrated.

Katie came over and we all drove around, eventually ending up at Taco Bell. I got some kind of burrito (God damn I should never get fast food, the thing is doing somersaults in my stomach), then we dropped Brian off and we went to this park (I really have no clue where we were) and I hung out with Katie’s girlfriend while Katie and her boyfriend hung out. I didn’t ask how that all works out.

I must say, though, the Katie has such terrible taste in women. That girl she’s dating *makes puking motion* it wasn’t just the way she looked or her clothes (which were varying degrees of passé 1990s skater girl horror), it was how she sung along to the most tawdry songs in the radio. Anyone that feels empowered by Uncle Kracker…I’m just done talking about that girl. *shudder*

However, she actually had a lot of interesting things to say. We were on the swings in doing this thing where you twist one of the baby swings way up and then turn upside down and let it spin you all around. I did it and my glasses flew off and we spent like 20 minutes trying to find them. It was really funny. And she was talking about how her boyfriend would always be in jail at how her best friend cheated on her with her girlfriend or something. I wasn’t really clear on how it all happened, but there was jail and cheating. Wasn’t sure if she was actually commiserating with me about Terry. I can’t really explain it myself. I mean, I can explain our last fight, but that wasn’t really the reason. I wasn’t being very convincing.

We drove around for a little bit longer, and then Katie dropped me off.

All in all, it was an eventful day.

Terry. I just don’t know where we stand these days. He blocked me. My take on it is that he’s trying to keep his power of the no by restricting and what mediums I can communicate with him in. He always did that. He would always do his big tirade about how much he hated me via instant message because he knew that my wrists would start to hurt and I wouldn’t be able to respond. He would not let me call him when he was angry. I wanted him to call me. I wanted him to yell at me or something. Prove to me that he had anything running in his veins other than a vague need to be conventional.

He says he deals with emotions in a different way than me. If sublimating them and letting the fester is a way of dealing with them, then I guess he’s right. I guess I shouldn’t be so self-righteous about his emotions. I just can’t be with someone that is so in the closet that they feel anything. I mean, I might say I’m fine but it’s obvious that I’m not. He will just give me this pitying look and I will be the one crying. I only saw him cry once. And I think it was something that I wrote about him. Which doesn’t make me feel like such a great person.

However, what Sara said really resonated with me:

I am personally fascinated by the fact that people are willing to read something as personal as a blog (because honestly, does it get much more personal than that?) and then have the audacity to be cheesed off over something they discovered.
What is the difference between the person that you were before they found out how you felt and the person you are now that they know?
Not so very much.

Is it bad that I think that it’s a little hot that one of my best friends had sex on my bed today?

I’m going with “no.” And by another odd coincidence the sheets were in the washer the whole time they were here. So clean sheets for me, w00t.

I can’t stop munching on this little box of dried cranberries that my mom sent me for my birthday. I sit here looking around my room and I’m trying to think of what I’m supposed to be doing, and there really isn’t anything except for my homework. And then I broaden the question to a more existential quandary… and I don’t really know. School is going to be over in another month and there’s not a whole lot I can take during the interim. This week without a car I’m going to get a lot of reading done on the bus. I guess that’s a good thing. I guess I just miss the feeling that I had a bright future.

I know nearly all the gay guys in Sacramento by proxy or by MySpace. And it’s really disappointing. I guess the only guy that I really liked that nothing happened with was that Josh guy I met at HorseCow. We slept together, but I was really revolted by how promiscuous he was… and he never called me again.

Well, I guess the promiscuity wasn’t such a big deal but he had a kid. Biggest turnoff ever since I’m only like 22.

I tried to redesign my “professional” site (well, make a page for my web portfolio), but that didn’t actually happen. I ended up with this stupid design in Photoshop that looked like corporate letterhead for some defunct Midwestern laundromat chain.

I guess it really bothered me that all of Katie’s friends used the word “gay” as a synonym for things that suck.

And I’m sorry, but that’s not OK. It would be like walking around Oak Park saying that everything looks so “negroish,” and then prefacing it with “no offense.”

Bitch, please.

And so I really have no idea what to think about Aaron. He didn’t say “I love you” back to Brian, that was what started him crying. But really, there was no easy way out of that situation.

He’s right that it was easier to break up now than later, but I don’t know… seems like there’s more going on that I’m not privy to.

Damn, it’s almost two. I’m going to sleep.