The Diary of Antoine Roquentin

I really wanted to write last night, but I ended up painting instead. I’ve been painting a lot the past two days…it’s really fun.

So, two days ago.

I went over to Zero’s place, and we watched the first half of Hot Fuzz before getting… distracted.

I had planned to ask about the nature of our relationship that night, and there hadn’t been an appropriate time.

So we end up drawing all over each other with this green Sharpie, so I lean over and write on his chest “So are we dating?”

He made a little joke about it, but a few minutes later he said that he had read my ruminations about it and it didn’t freak him out, so we kind of came to the conclusion that we should date. It’s really strange because it seems so close after the breakup with Terry, but emotionally I’m kind of done with all of that. It’s coming up on a month after the breakup this week.

I don’t know, this whole thing seemed really refreshing and a very different perspective than I’ve had previously. Terry said that I was living in this kind of fantasy world where I wanted this Romeo and Juliet kind of relationship, but I really think about it a lot of that was projection on his part.

The thing Zero and I were talking about is this metacognition that people come and go, and if you’re having fun and you like somebody then that’s awesome, and I like him and we have fun.

I was buying into all this crap about relationships being endless work… and they are, but they shouldn’t make you depressed (which was always the case with Terry). Drew, I was mostly angry at. I don’t get along well at all with Aries-es. Terry was a Virgo, and I should have learned from Alex that Virgos are dead inside. Overly simplistic, but both of them buried their pain deep and wouldn’t let anything near it. I’m such an open person that it doesn’t work like that.

The whole thing is just really cute and new. And yes, I am aware that this is the honeymoon phase. We were joking last night about the day when we wouldn’t have anything to talk about anymore.

5 a.m. that night found me driving to Suzie’s and I got the biggest bottle of lube I could find.

So it’s official.

He invited me over to his house last night, and we had a bunch of fun. I came over and met his friend Lexi, who was knitting mittens the whole time and making awesome MST3Ks to the movie. His super-awesome roomate Mari watched the first movie with us before heading to bed. We MST3K-ed Clueless and watched Secretary. I absolutely love Secretary, I hadn’t seen it in a long time. We definitely need to watch Crash (1996), it is the best James Spader movie EVER.

After the movie, we laughed and played all night, talking to each other in Stacy and Tiffany voices. I don’t know why, but we were just being so cute I wanted to die, LOL. at one point we broke into a rendition of “just Like Heaven.” We’re all about funny voices these last few weeks, from me reading Craigslist sex ads in a Jersey accent (the one that I hear on the phone from my mom every day) to the Daria voices. And the Trent voice…which really turns me on, lol. YOU ALL WANTED TO BE IN MYSTIC SPIRAL! ADMIT IT!

So we look at the clock and it’s 5 a.m. I somehow managed to break his lamp in looking out the window, but it was starting to get light. I have this unholy fear of not going to sleep before it gets light because it the later it gets the more you know your day is doomed…and I had school the next day!

Totally slept though my algebra class. It’s a two-hour block… perfect for catching up on your sleep.

I’m all over that quadratic equation shit though, after class I went into the library and kicked some serious quadratic ass. Yeah, I went there.

Next was geology, big test on latitude and longitude, township and range. The way he had it all set up was we were in groups that were based on attendance. So all of the people that never showed up were all in one group and he even put them in another room so they couldn’t overhear any answers from the other groups. My group was the “perfect attendance” group :)

I think our group did okay… this one girl was WAY too perky about latitude and longitude she was nearly bubbling. “I’m SO excited to take this test! Woo! I totally know everything about township and range!” She works with children, so I guess she gets a pass, but I was counting down the minutes until she broke into a cheer:

2, 4, 6, 8! 68 degrees, 15 minutes west! 128 degrees, 24 minutes north!

I loved how her enthusiasm melted away after we got the first completely inexplicable question. I think we did well though. The people in my group didn’t know that tungsten was a mineral. Is that not common knowledge?

Hm.

I feel like I really screwed over Sam. He told me that he had feelings for me and I said that I wasn’t really ready for a relationship, but the paradox is that I am in one. And it’s even more odious because he sort of despises Zero. But this doesn’t really feel like a normal kind of relationship, which is what makes it okay. It seems like a really good friendship and we do adorable relationship things. Normally I feel suffocated by the kind of scripted interactions you’re supposed to have in a relationship, but I’ve been saying whatever the fuck I want. Which is awesome.

In the beginning, I thought the thing with Zero was just him seeing if he could have sex with me…and we got along great, which made it even better. There was this one point where we were fooling around on the couch watching Run Lola Run and talking in some tangent revolving around linguistics, and he was all (I’m paraphrasing) “Look at how awesome we are, watching an indie film and talking about some obscure linguistic point.” And I couldn’t agree more.

I was sort of embarrassed at how well we got along, what with how Sam and I were kind of giving each other sly sarcastic glances the first night that we’d all hung out. But Zero’s fucking awesome in a lot of ways.

So I was like “W00t, we’re friends with benefits that get along awesomely.” There were some things I wasn’t thrilled about but on the whole, he was engaging without being annoying, interesting, and with similar but not identical interests.

So this one day after we met after I got off work (the week my scooter was dead and I had to ride the bus), and he brought me flowers he’d picked. Which was like the cutest thing ever and may need kind of freak out and reevaluate our relationship. I mean, of course there had been much more cuddling than the legal limit (which I love), and I sort of decided that I wanted to be with him full-time.

So what do you guys think? Too soon? Doomed? Super-adorable? Banana? (for the surrealists in the audience)

I still need to make my dating application. Maybe I’ll make it a web form, that will probably be the easiest way.

So I have a quadratic formula memorized, so I’m going to kick ass at my algebra final. Well, it’s midnight, so I’d better be getting to dreamland.

But listening to all this Luxxury and Calvin Harris just makes me want to dance. I’ll tone it down with some Amon Tobin.

Ok. Sleep.