It’s Monday.
I wish I was starting school, but it’s Martin Luther King day. I need to start something new.
Molly sent me an e-mail today telling me to read Boing Boing… turns out James Ballard (my all-time favorite living author) has advanced prostate cancer, and he is writing his autobiography. Should be some really interesting stuff. And now I feel really guilty for not getting as much done with Myths of the Near Future as I should. I remember the days where I could blow through a novel in an afternoon. Nowadays, I feel like I’m becoming the demographic I hate. The person who maybe reads a novel a year.
These last few weeks I’ve been to figure out how to know lay out pages with CSS. I’m at this stage where I can completely understand a design that’s already written and customize it, but I have no idea how to write something from scratch. So I’m still signed up for that web design class… but I don’t really know if that’s going to be too much work. Eight units is good. If I were to only take the math class that would only be five units… and I like being busy. If I’m not busy I feel like I’m wasting my life in this place.
I think I’m going to go down to Barnes & Noble this week and look at some CSS books. I think I just need a book. Because I have a basic understanding of pretty much all the concepts involved, I just need a step-by-step introduction on how to create a simple CSS layout, then a more advanced layout, and then an even more advanced layout.
I feel like I haven’t written in a century.
I guess I’m realizing a lot of my naïveté in the idea that I could really be truthful and honest to the world about my life. Sometimes you think thoughts that if said would destroy so many things. And you have to keep them inside. Everybody does.
I wonder how much of our daily interactions are the sugar-coating of hard truths.
Okay, I’m going to geek out now… but I went to IKEA and got the most amazing computer stand. As you know, I’m all about ergonomics because of my wrist problems, so I need a stand to keep my MacBook display at eye level. I was using my Mac Mini box, but it took up too much space on my desk and would fall over easily.
Isn’t my workspace awesome with the stand? It’s $4 from IKEA, and is supposed to be a kitchen shelf, but it is the exact dimensions of the MacBook. I read this article on Digg about IKEA hacking, so I’m pleased with the result.
I cleaned my room yesterday… which only happens when I start a new semester. I feel a lot less claustrophobic now that I can use the entire surface area of my desk. I don’t know… workspaces were more important when I was writing essays and had to be looking at like three books at once… but I think now it’s more of a psychological thing.
I stayed up entirely too late last night with Brian and Sam. We started watching “Hey Paula,” Paul Abdul’s reality show that only lasted like four episodes. It’s on YouTube. You have to watch it. Kathy Griffin does an entire like 10 minute portion of her routine about this insane show, and it is filled with such gems. Basically, Paul Abdul thinks that she is the center of the universe and she is always liked totally drugged out. I don’t know… she could actually just be tired, because she says she only sleeps about two hours a night… I never realized how much of a drain being a celebrity is. You literally have to be awake 24 hours a day to satisfy all of your engagements.
Sam didn’t seem to be enjoying himself, but every time I go over there he always subjects us all these weird Goth videos, so I thought that it was only fair that one day we experience the true depravity of Hey Paula.
Here’s a rather tame clip of her being zonked out on drugs/lack of sleep.
I cannot stop listening to Poe. I remember meeting this guy on the Internet that was obsessed with her and I thought he was a little bit ridiculous… but she is a great singer. Her albums are the epitome of relationship. Triumphs and defeats, anger and reconciliation…her songs just take me back. When I listen to “Wild” I swear to God I’m back in 2006 the last few months Adrian and I were together.
I have two Netflix movies sitting on my desk. The first is Gaslight, which is supposed to be an interesting murder mystery, recommended to me by Susan, who used to work with me at the Triplicate. The other is The Silence, an Ingmar Bergman film. I saw another one of his films (I think it was Through a Glass Darkly) and it bored the shit out of me, so I’m giving him another chance with The Silence, which is supposed to be another of his best movies. From the description, it seems to have the promise of being a good film.
I was actually kind of hesitant because Ingrid Bergman is in the other movie and I feared that she had some connection to Ingmar, but thankfully no. Turns out Ingrid Bergman is Isabella Rossellini’s mother. Isn’t that freaky? Watching 40s movies and your mom is the leading lady? Eerie.
Zero just got his phone back, which is cool. I’m so brainwashed into the technology age I don’t know how to get ahold of people when they don’t have cell phones.
That’s not really the reason for our communication disconnect though… my feelings towards this whole thing has changed a lot… but I don’t know in what way exactly. But one thing’s for sure: Brian’s birthday party was a disaster.
The night before, Brian, Mario, and I hung out. For some reason, we wrote the lists of our sexual partners, then we went out to Maro’s car and had an orgy watched Shortbus. Yes, it’s hipster porn, but it’s damn funny. Severin makes my world a better place. Anyway, Mario ended up being invited to the party.
The night of the b-day started out with me showing up at Brian’s place after work. Zero was already there, and about four minutes later Mario called and said he was outside. I guess I didn’t realize of that Zero had any opinion of Mario, but he said something snide about meeting him. I don’t know whether he thought Mario was competition or something…but he acted REALLY strange around him. It was capital-a awkward.
So we went to Brian’s favorite restaurant, Macaroni Grill, with Zero, Katie, and Katie’s friend Andrea. Back at the house, before we had left, Mario said he had been to Macaroni Grill before and had gotten sick (obviously a spur-of-the-moment lie, he had said something completely the opposite the day before).
Dinner was rather fun. They let you draw on the placemats, so we played hangman and tic-tac-toe. Zero got a cocktail, we got our food, and we couldn’t stop making increasingly funny jokes about our watiress being a bimbo. After that, we headed downtown to Naked Lounge, and Zero regaled us with anecdote after anecdote.
It truly was the Zero Show, and we were the studio audience. He seems really funny the first time around, but when you hear the show the second time you can feel most of the punchlines coming a mile away, and there’s no way to derail his monologue.
Mario was transfixed by him, conceding every difference of opinion within seconds. It was ridiculous.
We ended up going back to Zero’s house and drinking boxed wine. I was driving, so I didn’t have any, but Mario showed up with his straight friend that I had met once before. I spent most of the time trying to find Hey Paula on the Web. At about eleven, Zero kicked everyone out and he wanted me to stay, but I couldn’t, I had work.
I have to wake up in my own bed or I don’t get to work on time. It’s simple as that.
If I plan ahead by bringing a change of clothes, my toothbrush, etc. so I don’t have to stop at my house, that’s cool, but I can’t do the thing where I wake up all gross, drive to my house, shower, blah, and then I’m an hour late.
I don’t know… the whole thing was just a train wreck. We were outside and he kept ridiculing things I do (bringing my laptop to coffee shops, making chain mail, etc.).
I just can’t be around people that ridicule anything that they are not interested in just for something to talk about.
Yes, I ridicule a great many things, but for the most part, I’m pretty live and let live. I was angry, but I had to just go home and go to sleep.
Since then, that little voice in my head that goes “Gee, I wonder what Zero is doing” hasn’t spoke in while.
I just needed some time to myself. I made iced tea yesterday. Today I’m sipping it and wondering about my experience with Christen yesterday. Which was strange.
I should watch The Silence. Maybe it will explain some of this ennui.
Categories: Ennui
