I woke up exhausted at eight o’clock a.m.

Doing this full-time work thing is so exhausting. I have no time for a social life. I barely had time today to go to IKEA and pick up two more of those lamps that I love. I put some superefficient compact fluorescent bulbs in them and they only draw like 7 W each, which isn’t bad.

So basically, I was totally cranky all day. I got off work, called everyone I knew, and nobody picked up. To be fair, my mom later told me she was sleeping, Brian was at work, and Christen is in cell phone hell for another two weeks or something until her service switches over (not like her old phone ever worked). Or mine for that matter. I remember when we were so excited about our smartphones, now I want to throw mine in the river.

Patrick finally called me back though. We talked for a while on AV, he talked a lot about how he works out and how he’s going to Germany apparently on some kind of thing through his school.

I tried to get to sleep early last night. I was totally exhausted. Lying in bed at around one Brian calls me. Earlier in the night, he had sort of dared me to call Aaron and ask why he wasn’t talking to Brian anymore. So I did.

We ended up talking for a few hours… and the person that was on the other line ended up being totally different from all of my preconceptions about Aaron (that I had formed through the lens of Brian’s observations). Turns out he’s read The Myth of Sisyphus, the only Albert Camus novel that I haven’t read. We also talked about our favorite Star Trek characters, the sad state of the world economy, China’s role as an emerging power… but I did end up asking what Brian wanted me to.

It was as I suspected. Brian just wouldn’t give Aaron any space after the breakup. According to Aaron, he doesn’t really talk to his friends a whole lot (the polar opposite of Brian, who I’m always on the phone with). I don’t know… I have certain friends I talked to on the phone a lot, and I have others I barely ever talk to on the phone. And also, the sad fact is as much as we would’ve liked to stay as close to people that don’t live in the same city as us, it’s inevitable that you are not going to put as much effort into long-distance friendships than real-life ones.

Also, there is the unsaid truth that you should never talk to your exes unless the breakup was mutual. According to Aaron, the day after he broke up with Brian, there Brian was calling him and instant messaging him just like it had never ended.

And then the whole fact that Brian is totally not over Aaron at all… he was reenacting this scene in “Cup of Coffee” when he found some clothes that he hadn’t seen since he went down to San Diego.

I read a few more stories in that JG Ballard anthology. The last one I read was classic Ballard, the death of the soul in the guise of relaxation on the Côte d’Azur… I loved it.

Zero is back from the Midwest… but we haven’t seen each other yet. This working full-time thing has got me so totally exhausted all the time… I have to go to sleep before midnight or I have a day like today where I got barely anything done and spent most of the day fighting to stay awake. I’ve noticed that it helps to open up the blinds on the window in my office, after about an hour of soaking in the sun my body realizes that it’s time to be awake.

I was so cranky today and my internal sarcastic monologue was taking it all out on my coworkers. Don’t get me wrong, I love my coworkers. But they are married, heterosexual zombies. And they just don’t get it.

I can ignore it most of the time, since they are generally affable and we have a lot of lunchtime YouTube bonding, but today I was just not taking it.

So Mario got me a Flying Spaghetti Monster decal for my car. It’s like one of those Christian ones with the fish or the one with the fish that says Darwin, mine is the spaghetti monster with little squiggles of spaghetti coming off of the shape. I will say a lot of things about Mario, but I have to admit he has good taste. So I put it on my scooter about a week ago and they just noticed it today. I was explaining about the Flying Spaghetti Monster and about how it’s all about ridiculing the idiots that want to mandate intelligent design in science curriculums.

I don’t care what religion you are, but science is science. Religion is religion. And intelligent design is not science. I was talking about how the FSM people (Pastafarians) will shame a school board into abandoning projects for world intelligent design domination by mandating that the theory of the Flying Spaghetti Monster be thought along with intelligent design. Because they are both NOT SCIENCE.

I looked up at their faces, and they were giving me that kind of like nervous laughter look. And I just wanted to totally blow up.

OKAY GUYS, I KNOW THAT I DON’T HAVE MY CUSHY HOUSE IN A GATED COMMUNITY AND A HUSBAND AND KIDS AND ALL OF YOUR SOCIETALLY-APPROVED BULLSHIT.

I AM A FAGGOT. I DON’T GET ANY VOICE IN THIS FUCKED UP SOCIETY. YOU KNOW WHAT VOICE I GET? YOUR DOMESTIC BLISS. YOU ARE THE ONLY GROUP PC ENOUGH TO MATTER. AND I FUCKING HATE YOU.

YOU THINK THIS IS ALL SUCH A FUCKING JOKE? THIS IS ALL I HAVE. THIS IS THE ONLY VOICE OF REASON IN AN INSANE COUNTRY THAT BELIEVES THAT SADDAM AND OSAMA WERE BEST BUDS. PEOPLE WHO CAN’T FIND IRAQ ON A MAP, PEOPLE WHO DON’T “BELIEVE” IN EVOLUTION.

THIS IS MINE. THIS IS THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER. THIS IS THE SYMBOL OF HOW STUPID AND RIDICULOUS ALL OF YOU PEOPLE ARE.

So yeah. Kind of pissed. I really like my coworkers. It’s one of the things that Chris from Davis has been teaching me…if people need lies to keep their lives going, just let them. We all have our foma.

It’s nearly 10… I really want to see Zero tonight but there is no hope of me waking up in time and I don’t go to sleep right now.

I have been doing stuff that I don’t want to at work, and now I’m on my extra hours so tomorrow I’m telling everyone to fuck off, and I’m going to work on the website.

I’m gonna get this shit DONE.

Oh, one more thing. Brian and I got a little tipsy on lemon drops during New Year’s Eve and we called our exes. Now Terry keeps trying to contact me. *yawn* I don’t need a lecture on how immature I am. If he is well-adjusted, I’m thanking my lucky electrons that I’m not.

I felt really bad after I left it, but not as bad in the morning. I could have said some MUCH worse shit. So yes, Terry, you can stop refreshing the page frantically.

Sleep time.