The Diary of Antoine Roquentin

Oh my God!

Dragon NaturallySpeaking plays well with Leopard’s Core Audio now!

Which means I can listen to music and dictate at the same time. This is awesome! My fucking grandma is lurking outside my room so I’m going to go into my car in the front yard and dictate. God I love having a laptop.

Okay, I’m in my car.

So Friday. I have been putting off seeing zero all the time. We hung out when I was with Kevin, but I just never want to be around him when we’re not in public.

His computer kind of died when he upgraded to the latest version of Ubuntu, so it was my task to go over and fix his machine. Thankfully, it wasn’t a very bad problem at all. I had all my data recovery software to grab files off of the system in case we had to do a full wipe and I was prepared to SSH in and grab files that way, but I just burned a new install disc and we grabbed the files using the livecd.

So while we were over there Mari asked us if we wanted to go to karaoke. I have nothing against karaoke since my mother dragged me there every weekend for like three years, and I was anxious to get out of the house, so I acquiesced. We piled into Mari’s shiny new VW Bug and pulled up in front of Hamburger Mary’s.

I met a few of the people that they knew from there, and zero introduced me as his boyfriend, which I suddenly realized I was very uncomfortable with. I was having a good time, but at the same time, I really felt like I was just caught up in this inertia from hell. And then I saw it.

The bar.

It’s curious feeling, when one is 21. We all have those “God I need a drink” feelings when we are not quite 21. But now I’m 22 and when I feel like that I get a motherfucking Long Island iced tea.

So I downed it in the span of about five minutes, and proceeded to just be a horribly and utterly drunk the entire rest of the night. It was truly a horrific moment, because when I’m drunk I just want to make out with everyone…but the one person that I was supposed to make out with the idea just revolted me.

So I contented myself with living out my fantasies through Brian, who was meeting a new guy that night. I think they hit it off pretty well, but I haven’t talked to him yet so I don’t really know.

Brian and Mario showed up and hung out for a little while before they set off to find Brian’s beau, and I had them show me pictures of the guy. He wasn’t bad looking, but I guess I should’ve looked at his interests before I judged him on that criteria alone.

Right before the two of them left my phone died so I was drunk and completely unable to send drunk texts.

I feel completely and utterly trapped in this thing with Zero. And it’s all my fault.

So we went back to his house, yada yada yada, woke up the next morning, surfed 4Chan for a while, then I got the hell out of there. Sam had been texting me about going to San Francisco.

I was kind of lukewarm on the idea, but I went home, showered, sat down in front of my computer and thought “oh God. This is how I’m going to spend the rest of my night.”

I needed a fucking vacation.

We didn’t even say where we were going. Not until we got to Vallejo did we even consider the idea of finding out where we were going to go in San Francisco, although we had agreed on going to sleazy bars.

The rain was coming down in sheets, but as we hit the Bay Bridge it had slowed to a steady drizzle…now was the time to find out where we were really going to go.