Zero, Susan and I had a great time tonight.
I can’t believe it: we went to Old Ironsides, were rocking out to the Human League, Elastica, New Young Pony Club, etc. when the fucking place was set on fire!
Some douche was playing around with the light switches and turned on some lights that caught on fire…crazy shit.
I ended up seeing the ridiculously fashionable chick that works at the Kasbah and Scott, which was cool. I got some looks from my super-awesome wallet that I am in love with.
Anyway, it’s 2:30 and I need to sleep, but yeah…awesome night of us singing along with Poe, Fiona Apple and the Dresden Dolls.
I desperately want to call Christen and spill the beans about the whole Taggart thing, but she goes to bed at like 7 p.m. now…it’s true, we live in opposite worlds now.
Been reading more of The Mandarins…it’s kind of ho-hum, I am counting down the pages until it’s over.
Oh, also, I hung out with Andrew Taggart on Monday. We ended up talking and walking around Midtown for somewhere near four hours. We drove down J street (him on his moped, me on my scooter) and hung out in the Sac State parking lot for two hours or so, talking about two-wheeled conveyances, literature, everyone we used to know, our art projects, jobs, college, lovers…it was pretty intense.
It was really odd…when I was 18 and he dumped me I was just fucking destroyed for a good year and a half. But it’s true…time heals all wounds. I felt like I was hanging out with a long-lost cousin…a cherished yet forgotten relic from my past.
I mean, all the squishy high school feelings are there…I mean, my heart was pounding when we first started talking, but I’m not in the OH MY GOD I HAVE TO IMPRESS HIM mode that I usually am in around someone I’m into. We could be good casual friends, but I really doubt he wants to reprise his role in Being The Guy that Darius Was Kind of on the Cross For For About Two Years.
But I mean, I can’t lie. I’d do anything he told me to. It’s that primal “first love” crap. He was literally the first guy I fell in love with…and it’s hard to shake.
It’s strange…I’m starting to feel like a Sacramentan and a Downtownite. I tangentially knew like five people at Lipstick tonight…all I need is a swank Web design job, a fat paycheck, a few classes at Sac State, and my Midtown apartment and I’m set to be a social butterfly.
I dunno, I always play around with the idea of living a new life, having a bunch of acquaintance/friends…but I know it’s not true. I’m just not terribly social. 80% of the time when I’m doing stuff I’m just thinking about how I’m going to write it, and when I’m writing I want to be doing stuff.
I am Milo. There is nothing I can do about it, so I’m just going to enjoy it.
I was wearing my Firefox shirt today and I totally hit on the most attractive sandwich guy at the Co-op. He was all “do you work for Mozilla?” I was all “No, I’m just a web designer.” (insert cute convo here). I think I was making a mountain out of a molehill, but you can tell that spark in a person’s eyes where they consider having sex with you. No matter what the answer, the question happened. And that’s enough for me. He calls me Anton, which is my current alias.
I miss Rosemary and I coming up with new aliases all the time. Being color-coordinated. Buying toys at Walgreens at 2 a.m.
Anyway, it’s 3 a.m. Must sleep.
Gah. I totally know what you mean about the first love long-lost cousin thing. Exactly. Its like, being so grown up and past all the silly shit that drove you apart… Enough to reminisce and catch up on the spaces inbetween, but not quite enough to completely silence that crazy random urge to just say “Fuck this, we flee to canada TONIGHT!”
Its like knowing that you have become completely different people, and that a relationship probably wouldn’t be the best idea after all this time… But knowing damned well that you wouldn’t have the willpower to say no if the opportunity presented itself.
Damned first loves.
Damned stomach butterflies.
Blah, I say. Blah.