the diary of antoine roquentin

I haven’t been writing lately.

I didn’t want to say anything out of anger.

I took this huge algebra test today and I don’t think I did too well.

But I did come home and clean my room, which badly needed it. I also watched this movie called Glue. It was like Y tu mamá también but everybody’s 16. It was cute and really kept my interest. I’m not quite sure why.

Talked with Chris for a while about defeatism and the pros and cons of genetic engineering on humans and how it relates to Hitler’s eugenics movement.

I got my new hard drive for my MacBook. 250 gigs! I can now keep a rather large library of movies and TV shows with me wherever I am, which is rather awesome. I still have about a hundred gigs free, I’m not sure what I’m going to do with it.

I meant to go to sleep early tonight, and it’s only 1230, but I don’t really feel tired. I should write out my Easter cards that I got for my grandparents and my mom, but I’m not really in the mood.

I really had to take a break from this. The experiment of publishing my thoughts. I put myself out there, and I have to accept the consequences. When people completely misread me, there’s nothing I can do about it.

And it’s going to happen. So I shouldn’t let it get to me.

But let me get one thing straight.

Brian, I’m not going to apologize for musing about your personality. I’m all about introspection, and not look for faults and inconsistencies in yourself is to admit defeat. I’m not going to be rude to you, either. I will now consider you a reader. But I’m going to say it again, I don’t get paid for sugar-coating.

Sugar-coating is a paid feature here on Retroviral. Those truly interested can send a self-addressed stamped email to darius at retroviral.net along with a monthly PayPal payment to that same email address of US$5 per month, and I will enclose every mention of that person with sugary-sweet nothings.

Categories: Ennui

to lighten the mood a bit.

I wrote this big thing tonight, but I thought it unwise to post without seeing it in the light of day. But I couldn’t let the night escape without at least one 2 a.m. post.

This is a painting by Paul Klee, who Taylor insists is a wonderful artist. I’ll take his word for it.

(pssst! I also implemented Lightbox on my blog, click the cat to see it in action)

I have this great idea for a cool layout based on halftone and mezzotint, but I can’t work on it ’cause now it’s 3 a.m. I need to push myself out of my comfort zone and create designs that take full advantage of color.

Categories: Ennui

Yes, it’s 2:35 a.m., but I totally came up with this amazing design for the blog!

Check it out.

Here’s another imagining of the design.

It’s just a Photoshop mockup right now, but I’m going to start the process of hardcoding all the CSS soon and slicing up all the necessary images. I guess it’s kind of inspired by Ghosts, since that’s the album I was listening to while I cooked it up. It’s not a complete mockup, but it’s a start.

I can’t wait to create my first real WordPress theme! I’ll get big graphic designer ninja skills if I complete it.

Categories: Ennui

Please don’t come over to my house with your snarky comments and attitude ever again.

You really have no clue of how I spend my days or whether or not I’m “flaky”. The way I spend my time does not need your approval. Whatever I decide to do has nothing to do with you. Whomever I date, does not need you criticisms. I certainly don’t need your criticisms.

I’m done with your insults and your half-truth blog as well. Is the reason I see you so much less really because I’m dating Allen? Or would it possibly have something to do with my mom having cancer? Or maybe that I have a new full-time job that I work at even more so than Brookstone?? Maybe it’s that I’m living in an art community and I want to use this opportunity to make as much art as I possibly can?? Am I really so FUCKING terrible because I just want to go home and sleep when I’m stressed from work? My life exists on multiple planes, not just hour by hour decisions on if I should hang out with you or allen.

You should be happy for me that I’m doing something with my life and that I’m happy! I’m with someone I love, I’m making art again, I have a well paying job- I haven’t figured out how to manage in a social life yet- but give me the space to explore and grow! I have never forgotten about you hence the phone calls, comments, few times we’ve hung out- and whether or not that is good enough for you is not my problem, because it’s the best I can do.

If and when you decide to be more understanding and less critical, come on over- I’ll have a drink ready for you. Otherwise, forget about it.

Categories: Ennui

I went through and deleted some of my saved messages on my phone. But before I deleted them for good, I thought I’d post some here for you guys.

(I just love posting my dirty laundry, as you all know)

To begin, let’s start with a funny one. This is a note from one of my friends whose sense of humor I adore, after I’d told him that Annie had called me:

[audio:http://www.retroviral.net/audio/Totally_Annoying_Bitch.mp3]

Next, here’s a not-so-funny one, the last I ever heard from Kelly. We tend to call this “sandwiching.” Don’t worry, the next one will be funny.

[audio:http://www.retroviral.net/audio/Kelly_Last_Call.mp3]

And last but not least, here’s a funny one Sam left me a few days ago:

[audio:http://www.retroviral.net/audio/Sam_Cock.mp3]

I miss Sam. I did end up getting to the grocery store. I made myself a delicious turkey sandwich when I got home. I love sandwiches.

I haven’t been able to get Flash to work on my blog to post cute videos from my childhood. I need to allocate an entire day to fixing it. Flash is my nemesis, I can never get it to work. But I will prevail one of these days.

Categories: Ennui