“Lights and Music”, the song that I can’t stop listening to:
The video is kind of tacky, but the song is great. It’s got this great Human League vibe to it.
I did some homework last night, but got exhausted at about 2 a.m. and went to sleep. I just got back from an epic jog, I need to make breakfast and start my work. Two and a half hours until class. Eek. Today is the day where I find out if I did terribly on my math test, so yeah..fun.
Math time.
Catie being a liiiitle bit more drunk than me.
I had a pretty good time this weekend. Andrew and I hung out two more times, the first at Naked Lounge on Friday. We walked around in Midtown again. It was still rather awkward, but not as much as before at all.
We actually ended up going to the Vietnam memorial, which I had joked about taking Chon to. Someone had put goldfish crackers in this rice bowl on the statue.
He told me that he was “stupefied” around me, and lent me a novel that I haven’t started yet. Also, he drunk texted me that he liked me. I can’t seem to find that message or a bunch of messages on my phone…that “storage error” thing that I was getting last night must have killed my archives. I found it oddly apropos that my phone couldn’t function while I was drunk.
The new Cut Copy album is out, and although I didn’t like the single (”Hearts on Fire”) I’m really liking it in the context of the entire album. I listened to it over and over 15 times. Another good one is “Light and Music.” I wonder why I like it so much:
Light and music, on my mind
Be my baby, one more time
The party was really awesome, I got waaay too wasted on mimosas, but I didn’t hold a candle to Catie…she drank enough for all of us. I was really pissed off that Zero kept touching me, but I was too drunk to care when it mattered.
Zero HATED his present, which I loved. I got him *NSYNC’s “Pop” on vinyl. LOL.
Of course, his real present is in the mail.
I of course drunk texted a bunch of people, but my phone ran out of storage at some point during the night so I don’t know what I sent, but I vaguely remember declaring that I’ve been in love with Taggart since 2003. Awwwwkward, lol. Afterwards I was like “hmm, do I really feel that way?” I mean, I was/am endlessly nostalgic about that relationship, but we were so young and immature (especially me, God) that we were doomed. I remember Christen saying to me one time about Terry, “he just doesn’t seem to be your boyfriend when you’re hanging out. The only people I ever got that feeling from was Andrew and Adrian.”
I left Zero’s house after we finished the wonderful movie Thomas In Love, which Zero seemed to enjoy as well. After watching it again, I have to say it is definitely in my personal top ten somewhere. The first time Taggart and I hung out he was asking me top ten lists for movies and novels, and now I’m curious to actually produce them. Let’s see…just from the stash of movies I have on my hard drive, my top ten I guess would be:
I was recovering from the festivities in my nice warm bed when Taggart texted me asking where we should meet. I had been researching trying to open a bank account denominated in euros (I am convinced the US economy is going to completely implode, so I’m exploring my options). We had planned to do something on Sunday, so I suggested that we meet at New Rice Bowl Express because I craved teriyaki chicken, but the damn place was closed (Christian Asians, who knew?) so I went over to Safeway, got similar ingredients, and invited him over to my house to make it myself.
I gave him a crash-course in Internet memes (lolcats and fake inspirational posters), then we looked at my grade school yearbook pictures.
I made rice and vegetables (the only thing I eat ever, besides sandwiches), and then he suggested that we go down to the American River. It was a really beautiful day, the first real day of summer.
My scooter and his moped. Yes, the gayest photo ever.
It was T-shirt weather. We hung around for a few hours watching the ducks and trading stories.
It’s odd, because I remember him being the raconteur. We threw rocks in the river and enjoyed the shade.
With every time we hung out, it’s much less awkward and we’re more like old friends who’ve been through a whole bunch of shit. I like our relationship. When we’re hanging out I realize that I don’t have any friends other than him, Zero or Mari who have an appreciation for literature.
I had planned to rendezvous with another friend later that day, but after I got home my mother regailed me with helping her proof this cover letter and help her print labels in Microsoft Word. I LOVE (love love love love) the screen sharing feature built into OSX Leopard. When she doesn’t know what to do I can actually see her screen and set things up too complicated to explain over the phone. It has saved me HOURS of tech support time.
We also visited on iChat AV and I opened my Easter box, which was filled with cookies and candy. I’ve been exercising like a fiend these last few weeks because I think I’m reaching that early 20s thing where you can eat as much as you used to. This one night I went to put on my vest for my favorite suit and I literally could not fit into it. I mean I could put it on, but I just looked like I had a pot belly. So that started my “Crap, it’s not good enough to just jog twice a week” exercise plan.
Speaking of my endless vanity, I bought contact lenses online yesterday. It was $60, but I really do need them. When I go swimming on the East Coast if I don’t have my glasses on and I end up getting kind of lost and then my mother yells my name at the top of her lungs to get me to come over. Embarrassing and possibly deadly. I mean, I wouldn’t know a shark unless I was in its stomach.
So that’s the end of me justifying that incredibly vain expenditure, but I love having contacts. The switch from glasses is like having laser surgery.
I’m terribly behind in my algebra homework.
Well, not as behind as I have been in the past, but I need to get a bunch of it done tonight.
Well, there’s my cue to go make a sandwich and start on the work.
Zero wrote this post about how I ruined his party…I really don’t think I ruined it. He was depressed the whole night…and that’s not my problem. And, for the record, I bought you that album because you so vehemently defend Mari’s love affair with Britney Spears. I thought memepop was the greatest thing ever. Apparently not. :P
Zero, Susan and I had a great time tonight.
I can’t believe it: we went to Old Ironsides, were rocking out to the Human League, Elastica, New Young Pony Club, etc. when the fucking place was set on fire!
Some douche was playing around with the light switches and turned on some lights that caught on fire…crazy shit.
I ended up seeing the ridiculously fashionable chick that works at the Kasbah and Scott, which was cool. I got some looks from my super-awesome wallet that I am in love with.
Anyway, it’s 2:30 and I need to sleep, but yeah…awesome night of us singing along with Poe, Fiona Apple and the Dresden Dolls.
I desperately want to call Christen and spill the beans about the whole Taggart thing, but she goes to bed at like 7 p.m. now…it’s true, we live in opposite worlds now.
Been reading more of The Mandarins…it’s kind of ho-hum, I am counting down the pages until it’s over.
Oh, also, I hung out with Andrew Taggart on Monday. We ended up talking and walking around Midtown for somewhere near four hours. We drove down J street (him on his moped, me on my scooter) and hung out in the Sac State parking lot for two hours or so, talking about two-wheeled conveyances, literature, everyone we used to know, our art projects, jobs, college, lovers…it was pretty intense.
It was really odd…when I was 18 and he dumped me I was just fucking destroyed for a good year and a half. But it’s true…time heals all wounds. I felt like I was hanging out with a long-lost cousin…a cherished yet forgotten relic from my past.
I mean, all the squishy high school feelings are there…I mean, my heart was pounding when we first started talking, but I’m not in the OH MY GOD I HAVE TO IMPRESS HIM mode that I usually am in around someone I’m into. We could be good casual friends, but I really doubt he wants to reprise his role in Being The Guy that Darius Was Kind of on the Cross For For About Two Years.
But I mean, I can’t lie. I’d do anything he told me to. It’s that primal “first love” crap. He was literally the first guy I fell in love with…and it’s hard to shake.
It’s strange…I’m starting to feel like a Sacramentan and a Downtownite. I tangentially knew like five people at Lipstick tonight…all I need is a swank Web design job, a fat paycheck, a few classes at Sac State, and my Midtown apartment and I’m set to be a social butterfly.
I dunno, I always play around with the idea of living a new life, having a bunch of acquaintance/friends…but I know it’s not true. I’m just not terribly social. 80% of the time when I’m doing stuff I’m just thinking about how I’m going to write it, and when I’m writing I want to be doing stuff.
I am Milo. There is nothing I can do about it, so I’m just going to enjoy it.
I was wearing my Firefox shirt today and I totally hit on the most attractive sandwich guy at the Co-op. He was all “do you work for Mozilla?” I was all “No, I’m just a web designer.” (insert cute convo here). I think I was making a mountain out of a molehill, but you can tell that spark in a person’s eyes where they consider having sex with you. No matter what the answer, the question happened. And that’s enough for me. He calls me Anton, which is my current alias.
I miss Rosemary and I coming up with new aliases all the time. Being color-coordinated. Buying toys at Walgreens at 2 a.m.
Anyway, it’s 3 a.m. Must sleep.
I meant to write a post…I had the voice-recognition all fired up…but then Photoshop happened. Due to some server issues (I am unable to upload files to the server) I have these designs hosted on Flickr, but here they are:
I was inspired by this bit of stock photography to create a design for Cracked LCD based on the image of a control room. Click the image for the full-size mockup.
This, I created two or three days ago, I was forcing myself to design using a color palette, so I was experimenting using kuler, the awesome color tool from Adobe.
Here’s a rather basic blog design with an attractive color scheme.
I really like the control room design, I might mark it up in XHTML later this week. I keep trying to get to bed early, but my best design hours are from midnight to three a.m. *shrug*
I just wanted to mention that I found out who Chon was (that Vietnamese guy that had been e-mailing me). It was Andrew Taggart in disguise. So we’re meeting at Crepeville on Monday.
No clue how that’s going to turn out. But the prospect makes me listen to Pagan Poetry over and over.
Yeah…unresolved emotional issues, woo! All I could think of was that photo montage thing I’d made months ago, I wonder if he saw it:
Three cheers for nostalgia.
I’m proof-listening the mix for Zero’s party..and it’s fucking awesome.
I’ve been watching Star Trek all weekend…I made the mistake of obtaining the first two seasons…which aren’t very good and yet I’ve seen them all. I did manage to get one section of algebra done, but I have five more to do :(
Well, it’s 2:30, and the future awaits.
In a new city…in a new life.
Christen, I really don’t know what I said to make you so angry.
You’re right, you are your own person and I have no say in your decisions. I never asserted any less.
The thing that I’m not really okay with is not that you don’t have time for a social life, it’s that you don’t have time for a non-HorseCow social life.
I know you’re bristling with idealism about turning HorseCow into a world-class art community, but you have to understand that those outside the fold have a very different opinion of what goes on there.
When we went to IKEA you were telling me that a good portion of the time you were unsatisfied with your relationship with Allen, and that you were overwhelmed by moving in with him.
And now everything’s peachy keen?
No, you don’t need my criticisms, but I’m not Becky. When you tell me that you are unhappy 20% of the time, and pretty much drop off the face of the earth, I feel like it’s my responsibility to put out feelers and see how you are.
And when I did, I realized how desperately I missed you…the Christen that used to talk about Sylvia Plath and Depeche Mode, the Christen that would call me at midnight ’cause there were helicopters over your house, the Christen that would encourage our “bad” ideas (like bringing flowers to our exes at midnight).
I have to accept that a lot of the things we used to do, we won’t do, because you have a boyfriend.
A lot of my anger and bitterness was the fact that things won’t ever be like they used to be…hanging out at Kelly’s house…all of our escapades, every time I think about it this montage happens…and I think of Coachella and that time we hung out with Alex…introducing you to all my boyfriends…
great, I’m crying now…which makes this ten times more emo than I’m trying to make it
but Christen, I love you and miss you terribly, and it hurts when you don’t have time for me.
I don’t ask for much…it could be as much as a coffee date a month, but I feel like you don’t have any perspective on what it’s like to exist outside of the influence of HorseCow.
I’m just really disappointed that Allen has some kind of a problem with me. I never thought you’d date someone that…well…I can’t say he doesn’t like me, I don’t know what’s going on in that area. I always pictured you dating someone like Chris, someone that I could hang out with too.
I feel like you’re not dating Allen, you’re dating HorseCow. And I can’t compete with that.
I knew you were going through some really tough times, and I felt like I gave you a lot of space.
And now I feel like you’ve come to the castle beyond the goblin city, and I’m not beside you. When we were going to AR, I felt like we were on a similar path in life, and now I’m graduating this year, and it’s nothing like we could have imagined.
I guess the dream of our cute little apartment downtown had to die sometime…and the kind of love you feel for a friend can never be enough.
Intellectually, I’m very happy for you. You have a great job, a satisfying relationship, and rewarding hobbies. Yet, emotionally, I’ve lost a big part of my best friend, which makes me bitter. We’re both Scorpios, and my big failing is being jealous and possessive.
I thought that after you got back on your feet with your finances and your mother was well, we would skip off into the wild blue yonder. But that didn’t happen…and therein lies the problem of living a life based on foma.
I used to have this sort of two against the world mentality with you and I, but I have to accept that you don’t have the kind of time that you used to have for me, and to look at our friendship in a different way.
Maybe we won’t have our cute downtown apartment, and maybe we won’t hang out as much, but I love you and miss you and nothing can ever change that.
