It’s April 1.

And I have been waiting this long to tell you all this.

Terry and I have been secretly dating ever since we broke up.

True, we did go through a few months where we didn’t speak. But our immense desire could not be contained. I need him. I miss our long nights listening to Justin Timberlake, doing cocaine with all his friends at Macy’s, snorting more and more whenever anything from Blackout came on.

I miss our musical compatibility. Before we met, I never thought anyone could appreciate Britney Spears on the same level that I do. But when he puts on Blackout… it’s like they’re back in some magical time.

I know that he really is going to come a quantum physicist or nanotechnology something… he tells me at all the time. His job at Macy’s is just a stepping stone.

Albert Einstein, he told me actually sold shoes at the Berlin flagship Macy’s… he did it for years until he was discovered. I haven’t looked it up on Wikipedia yet, but I believe everything he says wholeheartedly, because I have opened my heart to him.

There was the person that I was… full of hate, taste, and mind. But he showed me that having a mind doesn’t matter. As long as you can shamelessly steal the values of those around you and try desperately to blend in, no one will notice that you’re dying inside.

This kind of bond, no one can find on the real world road rules challenge…and not even on The Bachelor.

This is why I had to hide it from you guys. I know that you would just say that I’m sacrificing the person that I am on the altar of stupidity to gain love, but that is totally not what’s happening.

I love Terry because he knows that no matter what happens, he would rather smoke pot that be around me. Where else can you get that kind of devotion?

Here’s to us, baby *pops champagne cork*