It’s 15% of my grade. He said I’m getting 85% in the class, so that’s a solid C. I’ll ask him about it.
I think I’m going to move more rapidly than I thought before.
Days like this I feel like I’m going to kill myself if I have to live here much longer.
The endless pointless fights related to her dementia happen all. fucking. day. long.
She is a bitter, angry woman who has never loved anyone but herself. And now she’s completely lost her mind. I wish I wish I wish I wish I could afford to move out. All I need is $500. I’m thinking of canceling my cell phone, my Internet, everything.
I have to get away or I’m going to die.
I get about $600 a month, with rent at $450 I’ll be barely slipping by. If I move I’m afraid I’ll be out of the frying pan and into the fire. I’m trapped in this fucking house.
I don’t give a shit about school any more.
I don’t give a shit about anything.
Will the Nausea return?
I can’t succeed at a 4-year school if I continue to feel this way.
Days like this I feel like I should just get a job at Target and drink myself to sleep every night.
I hate when friends have boyfriends…they never have as much time for you as they did before.
I’m finding it difficult to motivate myself to do even the most basic tasks…it took me three days to get it together to shave. I called in to work today to work on my paper, and got nothing done. I wrote two pages but realized that at the rate I was summarizing it would take at least 20 pages to cover the subject.
It’s times like this where I want to drink myself into a stupor, and I have to say no. Alcohol and drugs destroyed my dad’s side of the family.
I found out my aunt forged a bunch of checks, so she probably won’t be taking care of her.
Tomorrow I need to get packing tape and start boxing up my books. I don’t have a lot of possessions, really. I’m going to start sending everything to my mom, and get the fuck out of here. Maybe I’ll hate it in New York, maybe not, but it’s better than living in this hellhole.
I feel contempt for the people around me, and it’s getting stronger.
I wish I could just go to Taylor’s and cuddle and sleep in.
All of my problems relate to money. I want to cry for the release it gives, but there’s just no reason to. I feel like my friends are sick of hearing my depressing stories about my grandma. I want to spend more time at my aunt’s house, but their neighborhood is full of tweakers.
Sometimes it’s nice to be in a relationship, it makes your life-falling-apart-ness not so bad.
I can’t ever sleep.
I just can’t ever sleep.
I’ve read 25 pages of Digg, 40 of Reddit, all of Engadget, Ars Technica, The Unofficial Apple Weblog, Gizmodo, Consumerist, Lifehacker, and Valleywag.
There is one ray of light, I went grocery shopping with my dad today and he asked me what I wanted for getting my A.A. I couldn’t think of anything, he suggested we go to Hawaii. A little cliche, but I do love beaches.
Spent some time on Craigslist looking at cheap apartments, there’s actually a lot of them out there, so I shouldn’t freak out. I just need to pay off my credit card (a huge fucking chunk of change) and then save up money.
Categories: Ennui