We’re all just fumbling in the dark — for a heart of hearts
May 2009
The Archives
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05.31.09fuck traditions
A few people have used an “it’s a tradition” argument supporting every retarded thing Christans do. This cracked me up.
The party last night with Sebastian was awesome, I didn’t have my camera with me but there was this great view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the rooftop. Later, we headed to Williamsburg to catch the Apparat show, but it had already ended (there was a big traffic jam for some reason).
Went swimming again today, I was able to do a lot more laps. I’m going every day of the week that it’s open. I’m in love with the pool.
I’m feeling a bit emotionally drained — it’s been a month since I left Sacramento today. I miss Christen. I miss Taylor. I miss Megan and Steve. I miss my fumbling doomed true love with Andrew.
I miss knowing what the good restaurants are. I miss knowing what the good bars are. I go on okcupid like a primate trying to make warp drive work. I can’t paint, my only half-done canvas is in oil, and I have no turpentine. I’m putting off finishing The Mandarins, because I’m so emotionally invested in it I can’t have it end. All I can do is listen to incredibly sentimental St. Vincent songs and imagine how I’d look in the picture next to every profile I see.
It’s New Music Monday, I guess. I downloaded the new Tiga album, and I’m not quite sure about it. I love two songs but the rest hasn’t grown on me. This one song, “Shoes,” is just fucking hilarious. I literally laughed out loud the first time I heard it.
I don’t know why I’m feeling so odd. Could be that I stayed up all night on Saturday. I should hit the hay. I have work tomorrow.
But before I go, can we all admit Lady Gaga is a talentless hack that stole Peaches’ schtick and made it empty and faux-counterculture? I watched this interview with her today, and she sounds like she has an IQ of 65.
PPS: Here’s a picture of me as a child. Riding a fucking horse.
That’s right, so cute you shat bricks.
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05.30.09you know it’s a bad night when you’re drinking Pellegrino and pretending it’s champagne
I’m feeling strange tonight. I really want to go out and do something, but I think the last bus already left. And I’m not interested in staying up until 6 AM to take the bus back. Every other day of the week everything runs all night, but Sunday sucks.
So I spend my Saturday evening on okcupid. I had a pretty fun day; we went to the pool for the first time. It was wonderful. The kids had their own pool and couldn’t go into the adult pool, so I did laps. With my knees getting worse all the time, I need to be able to have some kind of low-impact workout. I’m so out of shape I was huffing and puffing after my first lap. But I swam for about an hour, which felt great. Despite my desire to go and bike around Central Park tomorrow, I’m probably going to go to the pool and swim for a while. I guess I can do both.
Oop, just got invited to a party in Brooklyn. Got to go get ready.
Take the A to Hoyt-Schermerhorn (it’s about 6 or 7 stops) then exit the train, go just across the platform and take the G going towards Court St. and get off at Bedford-Nostrand. Got it.
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05.26.09all that’s in my veins: sweat, tears, and champagne
I’ve been listening to Kelley Polar a ton, and this one song is just a dead ringer for all my nights of revelry at Lipstick.
All that’s in my veins: sweat, tears and champagne
And every night the same, over and over
The sun will rise and then
I will find love where I can
With all my faceless friends
Over and over, over and over again.I have to work today, but it’s not exactly a huge bummer, because I’m so broke.
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05.25.09Chelsea, Greenwich, Bowery
The last few days have been a blur.
On Saturday, my mom and I woke up at seven o’clock in the morning to make sure that we made it to The Wages of Fear on time. Bus service is erratic on Saturdays and Sundays, so we couldn’t take the chance of missing the later bus. We arrived at the West 4th Street subway station an hour and a half before the movie started, so we decided to go to this French café that we had been to before. We got coffee and scones and my mother regaled me with stories from her fishing days. We got on that subject because I asked whether a friend of hers that we both knew was a good captain. According to my mom, the thing makes a good captain is knowing what to do when the shit hits the fan.
There were only a few people in the café, so we had a great leisurely morning. After coffee, we walked over to the IFC Center (which seems to be the only venue that has independent film in the city, at least so far).
The movie was incredible. I don’t know, maybe it’s because we saw the movie in a theater, but it was just mindblowing. I don’t think I’ve seen a better film in years. It has an incredibly sad end. After the film was over, this woman stood up behind us and exclaimed in a tearful voice “This is the worst day of my life.” We thought she was joking, and then we saw the contorted expression on her face. We were so floored by the movie we walked over to Washington Square Park and watched some street performers for a while. It was a beautiful day.
After that, we headed back to the house to have some lunch. After lunch, we went over to Lowe’s and got some patio furniture for my uncle, which I put together once we got home. At about this time, my heart started to pound. I knew that in an hour I would be on the bus to New York City. At night. Alone.
I played it cool for the fam, but inside I had tons of butterflies. I convinced myself that they were mostly concert butterflies as I was getting ready, but as I stood at the bus stop waiting it didn’t seem real. It took about 10 minutes (I think we’d hit Union City) that my heart started palpitating. It was oddly poetic that we had just seen a movie intensely focused on the human reaction to fear.
We got to the Port Authority, and I descended staircase upon escalator upon staircase to get to the subway. I had scoped out the venue (the Bowery Ballroom) the day before and decided to take the most direct route (a backwards-to-go-forwards-but-only-one-transfer affair). After a wasted hour figuring out that the JMZ doesn’t stop at Broadway – Nassau on weekends (thanks for the shitty signage, MTA), I climbed out of the Bowery station right in front of the venue.
Will call line, flash of the ID, a rum and coke, and I emerged into the back of the concert hall. The place was packed (all the way to the back, I could barely get in), but the band sounded incredible. I didn’t find out until later that I was listening to the opening band (A Place to Bury Strangers) of which I am now a huge fan. (There’s a picture here, but it’s copyrighted so I can’t put it on my blog.) After the first act I was able to get very close to the stage and actually dance a bit. I was having such a good time, and sharing it via mobile AIM with a friend I’d met online named Sebastian. He met me at the station and we went to a few bars and this Ukranian diner, walking all over NYC on the way. It was the most fun I’ve had since I moved here. I lost track of time (I’d been up about 19 hours at that point) and realized it was 5 a.m. and that I’d better be heading home, so we walked to the subway and parted ways.
I slept for ages. Today was the first day I’m back on a normal schedule. I spent the day with my mom and my grandma, we went to Metropolitan, this amazing flower and plant store. It was the size of a Wal-Mart and it was completely devoted to plants. Totally awesome. After that, we trimmed a bunch of the trees on the side of the house that were impeding sunlight to our fantasy garden. After dinner, we went over to Lowe’s and got the stuff to create a planter box for our vegetables and such that we want to plant. After this weekend, I am so exhausted. I’m glad I don’t have anything to do this week save for work.
Awesome bonus: the pool opened this weekend, but we didn’t get to go. I’m walking down there tomorrow to try it out.
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05.22.09Red Bank, Hazlet, Long Branch
Spent the remainder of the week in Middletown with my aunt Gail, had fun watching my cousins Nicholas and Alexis.
We went to the beach, but it was really cold and windy.
He’s the spitting image of my uncle Gary. I had a good time. I love Gail: she’s at once spacey and pragmatic.
I went and walked around in the city for a while yesterday, but tomorrow I’m going to a movie (The Wages of Fear) and a show.
I must be getting to bed, there’s only one showing of the movie and it’s at 11 a.m. Damn you, French cinema!