Just so you guys know, Daft Club blew. The first like, four songs were amazing but after that it was a softcore poopfest.
Categories: Gossip
> Miss Kittin and the Hacker – L’ Homme Dans L’ Ombre
Oh my God. I just had like the most fun I have had in weeks. My coworker Matt had this party that he invited me to, and we all hung out and ate tuna and talked about all sorts of amazing stuff. I absolutely love Kat, Matt, and Katie. They are so amazingly cool. I hope I meet cool people like them in Sacramento. Me and Kat had this like a really long amazing intellectual conversation which started when she asked me why I believed that life was meaningless. I sort of laughed a bit and had to collect my thoughts because that’s not exactly a question that should be asked after you’ve had a few beers, but we had this could really great talk about like what life means to us and our plans. I miss that so much… being able to talk to people about what really matters and the questions in my life that I think are important.
We talked a lot about the Amanda Barton/Tracy Kau thing, and after a while I was basically in agreement with Kat. Tracy deserved his jail term for doing what he did, but he’s not Charles Manson. I don’t know why the editor of the newspaper is hanging him from the highest tree as if he’s some sort of serial rapist murderer or something. The consensus came to be something like this: Tracy deserved the time he got, but Amanda needs some serious counseling for her obsession with older men. All day long my boss was harping on how evil a person in Tracy was and how much of a victim Amanda was. It was infuriating me to no end. He has no idea about the situation. What a self-righteous bastard. Anyway, Katie’s new apartment is so amazingly sexy. It’s all like Victorian and gigantic. It was so cool, we were all talking about the implications of things like blogs and MySpace and Matt just busted out about what a cool person he thinks I am. And I was so flabbergasted I couldn’t respond with how cool I think he is. And when I had formed the words in my head, the moment was gone. It was unfortunate. But then again, I’m not used to actual conversation. I’m all about the instant messaging. Reality bores me. At least reality in Crescent City bores me.
Anyway, it was just an amazing night and I felt so close to Kat and everybody. I don’t think I’ll ever forget her. Or any of the people at the paper for that matter. It dawned on me tonight how deeply I’m going to miss everybody. But I guess it’s good that most of my good friends already moved away.
I am absolutely stoked (I never use that word) about moving in with my cousin. And I feel a lot more secure about it since I came out of the closet about my plans to my coworkers.
I stole all all of the bottle caps I could get my hands on for Ben. I think I’m going to give him a box of them before I leave. The best presents are from the heart, or some such platitude.
Misty and I hung out last night and cooked food and watched this movie called White Oleander. It was actually a surprisingly good movie. I feel close to Misty again. At that one time that I had left six messages on her machine I wanted to kill her. Now I understand why she was doing what she was doing. And I understand all of the stuff that’s going on with Selena’s boyfriend Josh (the one I know from grade school that I served at DDR). Him and Selena have been going out for a month and already they’re talking about marriage. Misty went out with Josh a long time ago and he used the same lines on her too. I really used to respect Selena a lot more.
I mean, she used to say up and down that he didn’t want a boyfriend and now the first guy she sees she wants to marry. I miss the old Selena. The Selena that would ditch art with me like two years ago and go talk about art and that band OKGo on the quad. I feel like I’m writing her obituary now. Writing obituaries has made me even more cynical (if it’s even possible). I picture my own little block of text. I wonder what it will say. I hope my last blog entry isn’t something retarded, but I’m sure it will be. I hope they put in my URL. That would be friggin’ sweet.
All of my great times at CR seem so bright, so real, and so happy in my memory. I guess I wasn’t really wasting my life away here. But I’m wasting it away now. I will treasure every field trip and cool friend I made. But now is the time to move on. I shouldn’t dwell anymore.
Me and Amanda and Sara and John hung out last night and watched I (heart) Huckabees and they loved it. We had incredible amounts of fun and we tape-recorded all of the cool things that we came up with while we were drunk. PLEEZ TRANSCRIBE THEM MY WIFEY OF WIFES! I will love you forever! (platonically of course) And Amanda and I are married. Lol.
I rode my bike into town, seeing Anus Face and Matt from work. It was TEN MILES. I’m so hardcore.
First me and Amanda played Mancala:
Man, I never thought that drunken Scrabble could be so much fun. We were so drunk we couldn’t come up with any words more than four letters and it took us like 10 turns to pass of the three letter mark. lol.
We paid out on French bread and jam and watched the nude pole dancing championship. We of course critiqued each woman’s attributes and made fun of them when necessary. It was so sad! The one we were rooting for didn’t win at all! Lame. Random dildo!
After that Sara put on this Evolution movie, and I found myself drunk and trying to explain how the way they kill the alien is totally illogical because the way arsenic kills you is that it interferes with the electron transport chain in your mitochondria…and I couldn’t put the words together to save my life. But at least I knew why everything was impossible. Amanda cuddled with my feet:
Me and Amanda were SO loopy in the beginning (even before the booze) and during the movie we totally lost our steam. But here’s more loopyness! It’s called lesbian bottle sex.
Thirty minutes later everyone was asleep, me spooning the full-body pillow on the couch. Sara gave me a ride home in the morning, and all was well with the world.
Pathetic people are invading MySpace. Case in point.
He tried to add me as a friend. I’m not that desperate, nor will I ever be. But I do like making fun of people. Hmm…what a dilemma. I should play with his “mind.” I need something to entertain me in the months before I move. And I’m on my last Chuck P. novel (Diary).
I made tacos last night (I LOVE tacos), but I made them with cheese and they were uberdelicious but I’m starting to feel the revenge of the lactose. Ouchies. Fucking stomach. Anyway, I must get ready for work.
Categories: Gossip
Okay. I need to write my own posts before I read other people’s entries. On the way home from Misty’s house I also was contemplating death and mortality. Mostly I was concerned about my blog and my web site and I really hope that someone be it my mother or something will keep paying my hosting costs (a paltry $7/month) and maybe blog one last post or something saying that I died and how I died. I would really want that. And put the URL in my obituary!!
And also, for the record… I do not want to be kept alive by artificial means. Keep me on the machine for one or two months or so if I might wake up, then just disconnect me. I don’t really know who would be paying my hospital bills though, so they would probably just unplug me from the start once they realized I didn’t have health insurance.
Oh yeah, I remember one more thing from last night’s get-together:
“Once you’ve seen one penis demon, you’ve seen them all.”
On the way home I started listening to the latest Garbage album Bleed Like Me and it brought back all sorts of memories about Ripley. I just keep wondering… did we actually have something? Was he using me? Does he still like me? If he moved out of his abusive boyfriend’s house, would we go out again? Does he still read my blog? The latter is probably the deciding factor in all the other questions.
I’m just sick of not being happy.
The visit to Misty’s house was not spectacular at all. The first 20 minutes of it she was watching a DVD of this retarded WB show about a doctor in some random Colorado town. The script was about as interesting as the shit I took a few hours ago. Slightly chunky and in two logs, one slightly smaller than the other, the show played on and on and on. The dialogue so contrived, unoriginal and puerile only Misty could find entertaining. So I vigorously made fun of it until the episode was over and I implored her to watch something else. I popped in Big Fish and she fell asleep halfway through it. We had almost nothing to talk about. I was utterly bored. I’m glad I’m home. But at least I have something to blog about.
I’m going to go read/go to sleep. Of course, there is a ubiquitous step that I have omitted. But in the spirit of last night’s two-hour conversation about dildos, I’m going to go jerk off! Woohoo!
At least I learned one thing today. If I really ever do have a bunch of semen on my pants in public, I can just tell people that my cat has this white medication that he got all over me (which was what happened today). Mouhahaha.
Categories: Gossip
Categories: Ennui,Gossip,Melancholy
> Peaches – Set It Off
I just remembered… I talked to Ben online last night and he said that Ripley instant messaged him a few days ago and was wanting my cock. That’s kind of cool. I wonder if it’s really true. Last time I talked to Ripley, he was talking about getting his own place…but that might just have been a scam to get me to go pick him up, which I was not going to do, nor offer to do, nor consider. Until he dumps his creepy controlling abusive boyfriend. But I really wouldn’t mind some sex. I wouldn’t mind it at all. It’s supposed to be the ultimate stress reducer, and I have way too much stress with not enough reductionary action.
Kill me now. I have to get up and work two jobs tomorrow.
I only complain because one of them sucks.
Categories: Gossip
> Marilyn Manson – Ka-Boom Ka-Boom
> Assemblage 23 – Divide
Work was very fun, I guess. I have been sorting out the scripting language for our database software File Maker Pro. It’s actually incredibly simple and user-friendly. If only I could say the same for actionscript. But anyway, amidst the tedium I have decided to resurrect my fantasy life. Or at least make one. I have decided that every day I’m going to think of the story involving my coworkers. Well, my coworkers will be the unwilling actors in my testosterone crazed fantasies. I’m thinking…
I don’t know. Even if it turns out to be tacky fanfic slash, it will be my tacky fanfic slash. First I need to invent pseudonyms for all of my coworkers in order to do this with complete and utter impunity. EEK! This will be much more entertaining for me, since I know who these people are and what they look like. But still. uberfun!!!
The cast:
Katarine Vobaum
Diane Selwyn
Holly Gatti
The Red Queen
O’Brien
Grenoille
and Meursault (the new stranger of the office)
(Great. Ripley just called me. As annoying and vacuous as Josh was, at least I can say that we both agree that exes always have hidden agendas. I wonder what Ripley wants. Probably something other than his pathetic existence. I guess that subjective… but when you don’t have anything to talk about after not seeing someone for like months, that’s pretty sad. His cell died. Hm.)
(Mothercrap. He just called back. We just talked for like four hours. Him and his boyfriend have been fighting again. I don’t need all this drama. I’m definitely not going up there again until he gets his own place. He’s been working full-time at the pet store, it seems. He seems like such a nice person, I don’t know why his boyfriend beats up on him. I guess things like that don’t really make any sense. I wish I could make that guy be nice to him. I hate people that only hang around others because they want to change them, but I must admit I really do want to change him. I want him to go back to school and get his GED. So he doesn’t have to put up with assholes beating him around. And I want him to go to college, but that’s another matter entirely. At least I don’t want to change the person that is. Except for that annoying thing where he says “no” to everything I say. Well, it was only annoying the night he broke up with me. Fuck. I need to go to sleep. I need to stop fantasizing that there will ever be anyone to love me.)
Today I hung out with my mom almost all day after work. I need a bulleted list here. It was:
Emasculating
boring
tedious
annoying
guilt-provoking
nostalgic
strange
But I felt so guilty to be bored. My mother spent thousands of dollars to get here so she could hang out with me. And what do I do? After a day of errands, I go home at 9 p.m. when I don’t have to wake up tomorrow. I watch TV alone. I instant message Amanda. I write in my blog.
I feel like such a horrible person. My mom bought me lunch, filled up my gas tank, even bought me a soda when I was thirsty. I feel like a horrible person for being alone at my house right now instead of spending every waking second with her. It’s not like I dislike her or anything, I just have my computer here… the only computer in Del Norte County that I can use without pain. I am an Internet person. I’m sorry. I have to put my thoughts down on paper. Or at least on a database server. I guess talking about it won’t make it any better. I should rewind and start from the beginning of the day. And lucky reader, you have already read the beginning of the post (above “Today…”) so you, my friends, have traveled in time! Woohoo!
I’m going to go to sleep and unwillingly have dreams about cuddling with Ripley. Accursed subconscious. I should have been expecting this, yet I was totally unprepared. Why do I have to be me?
Categories: Gossip,Meditations on work,Melancholy